


The One

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Academy Awards, Actor Bucky Barnes, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternating Time Skips, BAMF Sarah Rogers, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Elle and Jackie are Steve's kids, Falling In Love, Grammy Awards, He gets bigger for a movie, Howard Stark is a good father, Idiots in Love, Jackie and Elle are awesome kids, M/M, Maria Stark is a gift, Mpreg, Musician Steve Rogers, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Non-Graphic Violence, Oblivious Bucky Barnes, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Elle and Jackie, Protective Happy Hogan, Protective Pepper Potts, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Gets a Hug, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Steve is adopted by the Starks, Teen Pregnancy, Time Skips, Tony and Steve are brothers, True Love, fraternal twins, intersexed character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27866385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Steve and Bucky meet through their respective work.  Steve falls, but Bucky is straight.  This is their journey through friendship and into something more.  Please read the notes, there are some warnings and some information that might help understand the story.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Tony Stark/Pepper Potts
Comments: 39
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Steve is raped when he's 14, but it's not graphic and the audience doesn't read anything about it, only the after effects. Sarah is murdered, but again it isn't graphic and the audience doesn't read anything other than what happened. Maria finds Steve on the streets and takes him in. Howard is a good parent in this, so Tony is a little softer than you'd expect. This is the second time that I've written an intersexed story and this time it's Steve. His ability to carry a child is unusual. As rare as it is, it can happen. The girls I patterned after my two because we should always write what we know. I'm intimately aware of the intersexed situation, so I wanted to explore that through this story. Please don't let the non-con and violence tags keep you from reading, as they truly are in the background.

Present

Steve Rogers has more Grammy’s to his name that he knows what to do with. No, he seriously doesn’t know what to do with all of them. He appreciates every recognition, but it’s getting to the point that the kids are telling him to start putting them in the bathrooms. He’d chuckles at that, but it’s sounding better and better. He had no idea all those years ago that this would happen. Hell, he didn’t think that something like this could happen, but here he is, the most recognizable musician on the planet.

The front door swings open and Elle and Jackie carry in the groceries from downstairs. “Girls, let me get that.” 

They both roll their eyes at their him. “Dad, we aren’t helpless, you made sure of that.” Elle frowns at her sister and Jackie shakes her head. “Okay, so maybe getting the sodas, they’re still in the hallway.”

Steve runs to the door and carries in four twelve packs in. “Jesus, guys, how many people are coming over?”

Jackie calls back, putting the food away in the kitchen. “You should see the alcohol we had delivered yesterday!”

“My daughters have turned into lushes. Great, that’s a  front-page story right there.” Both girls giggle and come over to kiss his cheek.

“Hey, you know you’d love us even if we were lushes.” Pulling them both in for a hug, Steve breathes in these two because they always ground him when he’s feeling like things are spiraling. 

The front door opens again and Happy walks in. “Mr. Rogers, I’ve been sent to inform you that Mr. Stark has set up several interviews for you.” Happy kisses the girls’ cheeks as they pass. “If I were you, I’d pass on about half of them.”

He says it in a  conspiratory way making Steve and the girls laugh.

_ 2014 _

“Tony, I need you to shut up for just a minute because I’m not sure you’re making any sense!” Tony keeps going on and on about something that Steve can’t parse together. “ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!” That gets him to shut up. “I need you to start at the beginning of this story and treat me like I have no idea what’s going on. And just so we’re clear, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON!”

“Okay, okay, I got a call from Maxwell Hart, the director. He’s a huge fan of yours and wants you to write an original score for his movie. They’re just going into production, but he thought if you could get a jump start on the music everything would be ready by the  time they finish filming.” Tony sounds much calmer now that he isn’t rambling like a cat on catnip.

Steve turns and looks at the girls who are working through one of the songs from the new album. “Tony, I’m not a composer.”

The girls look up, tilting their heads in question. Steve grins at them because no matter how old they get, they’re still the best thing that he’s ever seen. “Steven Grant Rogers, what do you think a composer is?” He doesn’t pause for an answer. “It’s someone that writes music and you’ve written every song that’s been on every award-winning album since you started.”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Tony there’s difference between the music I write and the music they put in a movie.”

When he’s finally off the phone with a promise to think about what Tony wants him to do, the girls grin at him. “Tell us what that was all about.”

He explains the offer and they girls throw themselves into his arms. They’re much too old to be doing it, but Steve’s still young and strong, so he catches them easily. “I’m going to assume you think I can do this.”

Jackie snorts and rolls her eyes. “I seem to remember you telling us from the time we could understand that we can do anything we want bad enough.”

That’s how Steve Rogers finds himself on the lot of the studio in California. It’s a beautiful state, but Steve immediately misses New York. Home is home. He called the girls from the car and let them know he made it safely. They made him promise that he’d take pictures of anyone famous he meets. He’s taken straight to Mr. Hart’s office and is handed the script.

“Tell me how you want to do this and I’ll make it happen.” Hart seems sincere enough, but Steve still has his doubts about whether or not he can actually do this.

It’s only as he goes through the script that he’s confused. “There aren’t any lines here, just directions.”

“Oh...uh...yeah, so we’re doing this one a little different. There’s not actually a script like you would normally see, we block the scene and I tell the actors what’s happening and they come up with the dialogue.” Steve looks at him like he’s insane.

“And how’s that working out?” Max chuckles and  Steve can’t help smiling because this guy  is young, but obviously talented.

“It depends on the day.”

Steve’s invited back the next day when they are shooting so he can see how it works for himself. He’s introduced to the leading lady, Sharon Carter, who seems nice enough, but apparently didn’t get the memo that Steve is gay. But none of that matters when James Barnes walks on set from wardrobe. Steve nearly drops his coffee because the man is talented like no one that Hollywood has ever seen, but he’s more beautiful in person than anyone in real life. Everyone has celebrity crushes, even celebrities and this man has been Steve’s for the last 10 years. Looking at the man now, Steve’s convinced that he’s literally perfect.

Max grabs James and drags him over to Steve. “Bucky, you  gotta meet Steve.”

James’s eyes get huge when he sees Steve. “Holy shit! You’re Steve Rogers.  Man, I love your music!”

“Mr. Barnes, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” And Steve is a functional grown up because he managed a complete, coherent sentence. He just hopes that holds out. “My girls and I are huge fans.”

“Well, that’s high praise because your daughters are very talented musicians too.” Steve blushes and gives a quiet ‘thank you’ to that compliment. His girls are talented and he wished that everyone knew that.

Steve spends three days watching scenes being shot and how the actors do them over and over until Max gets what he wants. He spends time during each day talking to the cast, getting a feel for how they approached the roles. James Barnes isn’t just a good actor, he turns out to be a really nice guy. The morning of the third day, he shows up with coffee for Steve. “I thought you could use this. Max said you were up late with him last night going over the dailies.”

Steve’s surprised, but thankful. “Yeah, the stuff for today is going to be really good.” James nods and Steve takes a sip from the coffee, but it’s not just any coffee, it’s a mocha latte. “How did you...this is...where...”

James laughs and pats  Steve's back. “I noticed what you were ordering the first day. There’s a little place near the house they have me staying in that makes the best lattes I’ve ever had.” He starts to walk away, but stops. “Except for this little place in Brooklyn on Sullivan called...”

Before he can finish, Steve grins and does it for him. “Hit the Ground Running.”

“Yeah, you know it?” 

“Yeah, it’s my go to coffee placed when I’m home.” James grins at Steve in response and goes on his way.

By the time he returns to New York to start on the music, he’s got a full-fledged real crush on one James Barnes. That, however, is a dead-end street for Steve because James Barnes is as straight as straight can be. No use giving it anymore thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Present 

“Okay, so we have all the food ready to go and the appetizers are done. What’s next?” Steve looks over at Jackie, who’s reading something on her phone. “Uh...earth to Jacs.” She looks up, uncertainty in her eyes. “Jacklyn, what’s wrong?” He comes around and she hugs him. “Seriously kid, you’re making me nervous here.” 

She pulls back just as Elle is coming into the kitchen. She and her sister trade a look, so Jackie knows that Elle has seen the same pictures. She drags her eyes back to her dad and Steve looks over at Elle. They may be fraternal twins, but he swears sometimes that they can read each other’s minds. Elle has the same look as her sister. “Okay look dad, we know you’ve got feelings for...” 

Steve waves his hand to stop her. “You're talking about the pictures posted this morning?” They both nod. “Yeah, I already saw them and feelings or not, he’s just a friend and he has the right to be happy. It’s not like he’s ever going to know how I feel about him.” Steve goes back to the fridge to pull out the meat for the grill. He doesn’t see his daughters trade another look. 

There are secrets to be kept in this family and the girls know that they have to protect their dad. They are his world, both girls know this and have their whole lives, but this is different because they also know that what their dad feels for his friend is more than a crush. About a year after meeting James Barnes, Steve Rogers was in love. The girls have never seen their dad like this about anyone, there’s something sweet and easy in him that’s never been there before. But recently that ease is turning into tension. No one should have to carry a torch for someone as long as their dad has. 

But there are secrets in this family that have to be kept. The girls can count on one hand the number of people that know about Steve Rogers. And the people that know, would never tell anyone because it’s not their secret to tell and because Steve Rogers brings out loyalty in everyone that knows him. Even James Barnes feels that loyalty, but James Barnes doesn’t know the secret and, if the girls can help it, he never will unless their Dad decides to tell him. 

Bucky storms into Natasha’s office the that morning, fuming. “What the fuck is this?” He demands and because they are friends as well as Natasha being his manager and agent, she gives him her undivided attention. “I told you to stop doing this! We went out for dinner because we’re friends and I get up this morning to find out that I’m dating my ex and we’re planning a wedding?” 

Natasha smiles, much like a shark when there’s blood in the water. “You haven’t been in a relationship with anyone for a long time and people were starting to talk.” 

Bucky throws himself into a chair. “Then you tell them the truth, Natasha! I’m focused on my career and don’t have time for relationships.” 

“Well, yes that might work except you keep making time for Steve Rogers.” Bucky looks up, confused and then annoyed. “Steve is gay, James, and if people start to get the wrong idea, your career could suffer.” 

“We live in the same goddamn neighborhood! He’s a friend, probably my best friend, and he’s not interested in me like that and you damn well know it!” Natasha looks disbelieving at him. “And I swear to god if you give me any of that bullshit about how he looks at me with heart eyes, I’ll slap you.” 

Natasha snorts. “I know you wouldn’t really do that, but...” 

“There’s no ‘but’ Nat, fix this.” He gets up and heads to the door. “And since I’m the reason you get to live in luxury, fix it now!” Bucky’s never been so pissed in his life. Later, when he’s settles down, he’ll apologize, but for now, he can’t see straight he’s so angry. Having dinner with Maria was because sometimes you can break up with someone and still be their friend. Maria has a good head on her shoulders and always listens and has interesting stories to tell. For Nat to pull this crap is out of line. 

The door slams and as much as she doesn’t want to admit it, the ‘leak’ was probably not the best idea. James doesn’t date much, any more than casual, because he is the biggest name in Hollywood. She just hopes this ‘leak’ does what she intends and that’s to get Steve Rogers from playing such a prominent role in James’s life. She likes the singer from what she knows and respects that he’s raised two daughters who are also talented artists, but the way he looks at James does concern her. And her friend and client doesn’t see it. 

The last thing James needs is for his friend to confess undying love or something and for it to blow up into some big front page spread or have it blow up on social media. Truth is, she doesn’t know Steve that well because James keeps her out of his personal day to day stuff. Picking up the phone, she calls Clint, who’s in charge of publicity for James. 

“Well, that was faster than I thought it would be. Did he threaten to slap you?” Natasha chuckles at the question. “I’m going to take that as a yes.” 

“We have damage control to do. He wants this thing with the ex cleared up.” Clint hums. “I know, I know, you told me not to do it.” 

“Yes, I did and I told you that if the man wants to focus on the job and not be bogged down with a relationship that you should let him.” 

Natasha hates when Clint is right. “Yeah, so I guess we put out a statement. I trust you know what to say.” 

“I’ll get it done if you tell me why you really did this.” 

She leans back in her chair and sighs. “I’ll tell you over dinner.” 

James goes to the gym and spends most of the afternoon working out to expend the angry energy he was feeling when he woke up. Why Natasha would do this is beyond him. When he’s feeling better, he showers and heads home. He’s got to pick up the beer he got for the party. The girls turn 19 today. 

He sent them a birthday text this morning, but didn’t get a response. Then he saw social media and realized they probably thought he was too busy with Maria. The idea that the girls would ever think that he’s too busy for them doesn’t compute. He’ll have to talk to them sometime this evening. When he gets to the warehouse, he puts his hand on the palm reader and the door opens. Having been blessed with Steve Rogers as a best friend wasn’t enough, he got two wonderful young women too. 

2014 

Steve’s finally finished with the score for the movie. His own music has been put on the back burner, but he doesn’t mind considering how he’s enjoyed the music he’s working on. Jackie and Elle have been really helpful because between the three of them, they play damn near every instrument there is, so he’s been able to hear each part. Next week he goes into the studio to record with a full orchestra. It’s been like a dream come true. 

The girls are in London with a group of friends and Pepper that needed a holiday and Steve’s put the finishing touches on the composition. Grabbing his coat, he decides that he’s earned a coffee. Heading down to Sullivan, he thinks about one of the chocolate chip muffins from Hit the Ground Running. He loves the homey feels of the place and the fact that he’s not _the_ Steve Rogers when he goes in. He’s just Steve. 

Pushing the door open, he hears Chloe’s voice from behind the counter. “Steven! You want the usual?” 

Steve laughs. “Yeah, but I’m going to need a muffin today too. I finished the music, so I earned it!” 

The whole crew behind the counter whoops and hollers, making Steve grin and laugh. He isn’t expecting a voice from one of the side tables. “Steve?” 

Steve turns to see James Barnes, grinning at the antics of the coffee shop employees. “James? I thought you were still filming.” They shake hands and James’s smile stokes the fire that started in Steve’s belly when they met. 

“We wrapped up earlier than we thought.” He offers the chair across from him and Steve sits. “Did I just hear right? You finished the score?” 

Chloe comes over to the table and Steve starts to pull out his wallet. She waves him off. “On the house for finishing the music.” Steve blushes and gives a quiet ‘thanks’ as she moves away. 

“Uh...yeah, I finished it this morning. I sent it over to the orchestra and decided to treat myself.” Steve sips the coffee and doesn’t look directly at James. It feels too much like looking at the sun. 

“That’s amazing! I wish I could hear it.” Looking up over the side of his coffee mug, Steve does something he probably shouldn’t. 

“If you aren’t busy next week, you should come with me to record.” James’s eyes bug out and he sputters for a few minutes before getting actual words out. 

“Are you serious? Come into the studio with Steve Rogers and watch you record?” Steve barks a laugh, looking at James like he’s precious. 

“You do know that you’re famous, right?” That causes James to laugh and the atmosphere around them relaxes and talking flows freely. 


	3. Chapter 3

Present 

Stepping into the loft that belongs to Steve, Bucky sees all of the people he’d expect. The girls are getting well wishes and happy birthdays from friends and the people that Steve considers family. Having lost his mother years ago, before the girls were born, Steve has a very small close-knit group that he calls family. Bucky is lucky enough to be part of that now. Steve sees him first and comes over, offering a hug that Bucky readily takes. Steve Rogers hugs are famous, at least that’s what the girls tell him. “Buck, really glad you’re in town and could make it. The girls would be heartbroken if you couldn’t be here.” 

“No way I was going to miss this, but later you may wish I hadn’t come.” He winks at Steve and goes to hug the birthday girls. They attack him with hugs and kisses. Steve stands off to the side and watches, with that smile. Bucky is always surprised at how someone as big as Steve can look so soft, but then, he loves his girls more than anything. 

Tony Stark shows up late because he’s always late and he gives Bucky a hard time about not letting his firm represent him. Bucky just laughs and tells the man that leaving Natasha would mean the end of him. Tony pats his shoulder because Tony knows what everyone in the business knows, James Barnes put Natasha Romanov on the map. The food is incredible and Steve spends time on the roof deck working the grill. People filter in and out from inside, but when Bucky goes up, Steve’s alone with a beer in hand, tongs in the other and that smile on his face. 

“Hey.” Steve comes out of his thoughts and grins at Bucky. “What’s that smile you had on your face?” 

Steve shakes his head. “I was just thinking about how fast time went by. I remember when they were born and looking at them like they were a miracle.” He looks back at the door and they can both here the laughter and music from inside. “They still are.” 

Bucky looks at him curiously. “You know, we’ve been friends for a while and I never asked about their mother. Did something happen? I mean you don’t have to tell me, I just wondered.” Steve’s face seems to close off and Bucky knows he’s stepped over some unspoken line. “Hey, sorry, it’s none of my business.” 

He turns to leave, wondering what just happened, when a hand stops him. “Buck...” Turning Bucky sees a look on his best friends face that he’s never seen. “Listen, it’s complicated. It’s not that I don’t want you to know, but it’s something I don’t talk about.” 

“Seriously man, it’s okay.” Before Steve can say anything else, the roof door opens and the girls come out. 

“Dad! When’s the food going to be done because if it isn’t soon, we’re eating the cake.” He points the tongs at them trying to be serious. 

“Stay away from the cake, that comes later.” They giggle and kiss his cheek, running back in. Steve watches them go and chuckles. 

“You’re a lucky man, Steve Rogers.” Bucky watches his friend and sees the blatant love for his kids on his face. 

“Don’t I know it.” 

Dinner is done and the cakes been cut, so it’s present time and the girls are giddy with excitement. Steve gives them a trip to London. Since their first trip over they fell in love with the city, so he’s set them up with a first-class trip and a shopping spree once they get there. They jump on him, hugging and kissing him until he’s laughing hysterically. “BEST DAD EVER!” 

When Bucky arrived, he slipped his gift in with the others. The tag has both of their names and Steve is going to kill him when they open in, but it will be worth it to see their faces. Tony sidles up next to him, elbowing his side. “What did you get them?” 

Bucky grins. “Something that will make Steve want to kill me.” Tony’s eyes sparkle. 

The girls pick up the small box, reading the tag and looking over at Bucky. “Bucky, what did you get us? It is jewelry?” 

“I guess you’ll just have to open it.” Elle tears into the paper and holds the box out for Jackie to pull the lid off. Bucky’s never seen two siblings get along the way these two do. 

Once it’s open, they look down at what’s inside. They hold up the two keys and look over at Bucky confused. He tilts his head at the box and Jackie pulls out the paper that folded at the bottom. Opening it, the girls lean in to read it and when they’re eyes shoot up to his, Bucky knows they get it. “You didn’t?” Jumping up, they start to squeal. “Did you really?” 

Bucky nods and Steve takes the note, reading it and then looking up at Bucky like he doesn’t understand the words. Bucky knows that he does, but instead of getting mad like he expected from their dad, Steve starts to tear up and nods at him. They run over to him and smother him in hugs and kisses. 

“Well, what the hell is it?” Tony voices what everyone else is wondering. 

Steve sniffles and smiles. “He bought them an apartment in London.” 

Bucky goes to bed that night content. He can’t believe how much he loves those two girls. At 23, now 24, they are the most well-adjusted people he’s ever met and that’s all because of Steve. The conversations they’ve had over the years, since they met in 2014, convince Bucky that if everyone had a parent like Steve Rogers, the whole damn planet would be a better place. 

He can’t figure out the thing with the mother though. If it was a bad situation, why not just say that? If something horrible happened and she died, why not just say that? Something about it sits in Bucky mind and won’t let him rest. He could ask the girls, but he doesn’t want to disrespect Steve or them that way. He just never considered that there was anything that Steve wouldn’t tell him. 

2014 

Bucky is acting like a kid in a candy store. He’s been in recording studios before, doing voice overs, but he’s never been in one with an artist that he respects and admires like he does Steve. Bucky left the coffee house that day having left his number with the blond man, but wasn’t sure that Steve would even remember his invitation. Sure enough, the day before he got a text from an unknown number reminding Bucky about the recording time. 

Now, he’s watching Steve talking to the orchestra, giving them last minute insight into the music. Taking the podium, Steve smiles over at Bucky, sitting off to the side, then back at the musicians. “Okay, let’s see if this turned out the way I hoped.” Some of the musicians' chuckle and the music starts to wash over the room. 

As it carries through the studio, Bucky closes his eyes and can almost see the scenes from the movie where each piece will be playing. The last movement is for the final scene, he’s sure of it. By the time they’ve run through the piece once, Bucky opens his eyes and sees Steve staring at him. He mouths ‘wow’ at the composer and Steve blushes. Bucky’s only there the first day, but he knows that Steve spends another week at the studio. 

Steve Rogers is falling past a crush and into something that is very bad for everyone involved, but when he looks over and sees Bucky with his eyes closed, really listening to the music, his heart beats wildly and his mind races. After a week of putting everything on digital for Max, Steve sends it off for final approval. 

Within a few days, he’s on the phone with the director who is lavishing praise on Steve like nothing the singer has ever heard. Steve’s proud of what he’s done and when he plays the recording for the girls, they cry. It’s the biggest compliment he’s ever gotten because their opinion always matters more than anyone else’s. 

Tony comes over for lunch when Steve is in the middle of writing new songs for his next album. Tony, being who he is, never tells Steve he’s coming, just shows up and lets himself in. Steve hears someone in the kitchen and knows the girls are out with friends, so he gets up to find his brother, digging through the fridge. 

“You always have the best food. Why don’t I have food like this in my house?” Tony turns, taking a bite out of something that looks like pie. 

“Did you just get a fork and start eating from the fridge?” Tony smiles around the bite. “And you don’t have food like this because you eat out all the time.” 

“Your food is better. You cook like mom.” Steve goes over, pulling the food from the fridge to heat up for Tony and grins. 

“That’s because while you were partying yourself stupid, I was learning how to take care of my girls.” Tony bumps his shoulder and Steve bumps back. 

“You know, you also learned everything you know about music from mom.” Steve nods. “Where are my favorite nieces anyway?” 

Tony sits at the bar and watches Steve move around the kitchen. He’d never admit this to anyone, except Steve, but he loves the guy and can’t imagine his life without the big, blond doofus. “They’re out to lunch with friends.” Sitting the plate in front of his brother, Steve sits across from him. “What brought you over today?” 

“What? I can’t just come see you just to see you?” Steve shakes his head and gives Tony _the_ look. “Alright, I came over because I heard you had a visitor in the studio last week.” He looks up over his glasses at Steve. “Is it true that you had James Barnes in studio?” 

Steve hangs his head. He knows what this is about now, it’s about the girls telling their favorite uncle about Steve’s crush. “Listen, Tony...” 

Tony holds up his hand. “I’m not judging you, but you know he’s straight. When Elle and Jacs told me, I did some checking and...” 

Steve jumps in. “I know, Tony. I’m very aware of his sexual orientation and it’s not an issue. He’s a nice guy and he could be a friend.” 

Tony comes around the bar and kisses Steve’s head. “I’m just looking out for you. You and the girls are the only family I have. I’d hate to have to leave you because I killed someone for hurting you.” 

Steve snorts a laugh and hugs Tony. “He won’t hurt me because I won’t put myself through that.” He looks up into Tony’s big brown eyes. “I love you, ya know.” 

Tony pushes him away. “Yeah, yeah, everyone loves me.” 

Bucky sits with Maria a few days after being in the studio. “No, I’m telling you, this music is going to be nominated for an Oscar it’s so good.” 

Maria takes another bite, smirking around the fork. “You and Steve Rogers, hanging out. What a weird world.” 

“Yeah, no kidding, but you should meet him. If he weren’t gay, I’d try to fix you two up. He’s nice, like really nice. No sign of an ego anywhere.” Bucky sips on his drink and sits back in his chair. Being friends with Maria is so easy and they should have seen it for what it was when they tried to date. That was an unmitigated disaster. 

“So, is this guy a friend now?” Just as Bucky is about to answer, his phone buzzes. Pulling it out, he grins because it’s a text from Steve. 

_‘Thanks for coming to the studio and being such a good audience. If everyone likes the music as much as you did, I have nothing to worry about.’_

Sending back a quick _‘thanks for inviting me, I had a blast watching you work’_ text, he puts the phone aside. “Yeah, I think we can definitely be friends.” 

Maria sits the fork down, crossing her arms on the table and gives Bucky a look that he’s very familiar with. “I wanted to talk to you about another movie, but it’s not anything like you’ve done before. The issue is that it will be years of commitment.” 

Sitting forward, Bucky’s very interested in whatever this is. “You’ve been cast in something good, haven’t you?” 

“Man, let me tell you.” She lowers her voice and starts telling him about a project that would blow the current idea of super hero movies out of the water. “And it’s all about the story. It’s got the big action sequences and everything, but it’s about the character development and story. I’ve never been so impressed with a script.” 

“And how do I fit into this?” She grins like the Cheshire Cat. 

“You would be the villain, but not villain.” Now she has his attention because he’s never played a villain before and from what she describes, this guy has so many facets to his character that Bucky could play him over and over and not get tired of it. 

The following week he gets an idea. He knows what Nat would say and Clint, and even all of his other friends, of which there are many, but he’d like an unbiased opinion on this. Bucky is self-aware enough to know how famous he is and knows that if he expresses interest, the studio doing this project will see him, but that doesn’t mean he should. Pulling out his phone, he sends a text to Steve. 

_‘Hey, you got a minute to talk? I need_ _some advice_ _.’_

The response is quick and makes Bucky laugh. 

_‘Meet you for coffee? You know the place.’_

Steve is already there when Bucky walks in and places his order. The blond is sitting at the same table from the last time they were here and has a sandwich and coffee in front of him. There’s a journal on the table that Steve is writing in and the fingers of his left hand are tapping on the table in a strangely rhythmic way. Bucky realizes that he’s writing music. 

Bucky sits down across from him and watches for a few seconds until Steve seems to be at a stopping place and looks up smiling. “Hey James.” 

“You’re meeting me for coffee, at a table that quickly becoming ours, so I think it’s time you start calling me Bucky.” Steve tilts his head and Bucky has to admit it’s pretty damn cute. 

“Bucky? You have to explain that.” Bucky chuckles and Steve learns about the nickname coming from his family and how everyone calls him James except really important people in Bucky’s life. He adds that his manager and agent Natasha calls him James even though she’s important to him because she thinks that Bucky is a stupid name. “Well, then I’m honored to call you Bucky and just between you and me, it fits you better than James.” 

Bucky laughs. “Thank you.” 

“Now, what’s this advice you need?” Steve leans forward and as Bucky starts talking, he notices something, Steve is really listening. Not like his friends that have their heads halfway in their phones the whole time, but really, truly listening. He tells Steve everything that Maria said about the stories and characters. He tells him about the character she thinks he would be perfect for and he finally asks what he needs the advice on. 

“So, if I contact Nat and tell her I want to meet with them, it’s a commitment of years playing this character. I’m not sure about that, but part of me really wants this part.” He’s clamping his hands on the table and Steve smiles warmly down at them. 

“Bucky, I think you already have your answer.” Bucky looks down at his own hands. “You want this really badly and I think you should do it. Not because your name will be attached to it, but because you seem really excited. Isn’t that why we do this? Because it’s fun. I mean, sure, it’s hard work and exhausting, but at the end of the day, it’s what we love to do.” 

Bucky blows out a breath and thinks about what he just heard. “I’m going to do it.” Steve grins at him and Bucky smiles back. He knew that Steve would give him good advice and not shit that he’d get from other people, but an honest assessment of the situation. “Thanks.” Steve nods and starts talking about something his daughters did the night before. Not long after, Bucky is laughing and just enjoying the company of his new friend. 


	4. Chapter 4

Present

Steve’s been avoiding Tony for a few days and knows that his brother is getting annoyed with him, but they just about finished up the new album and it’s not like anything Steve and the girls have ever done before. When he took the songs to them, they listened to what he had and both of them looked at each other and had one of those mental conversations that freak him out sometimes. So, he just finished recording the last song and looks up into the booth where the girls are waiting. Coming out of the small room, Steve goes over to them. 

“Dad, you know what this is, right?” Elle sighs and it reminds Steve of himself.

Jacs comes over, hugging him. “You aren’t getting over this, are you?”

Looking down at the floor, Steve shakes his head. “No, I thought if I got it out, in the music, that maybe it would exercise those demons, but it didn’t work.”

He’s got both girls in his arms now and all three of them are teary eyed. “Dad, you’ve never been in love before because you were always taking care of us.”

Steve looks down at them both. “I wouldn’t trade anything for that time with you.”

Elle takes up where her sister left off. “We know that you wouldn’t and we can’t thank you enough for giving us that time and love, but you’ve fallen really hard for this guy, who we happen to love too. He’s a great guy and you two are great together, but he doesn’t know that it’s more than that, does he?”

Steve shake his head and  Jacs adds, “But he might when he hears this album.”

Steve Rogers has never done a love song for any of his albums. He’s been asked by more than a few people, who’ve written a love song, to include one, even Tony asked him once, but Steve never has. He knows that, like any writer, you write what you know, and he’s never been in love, so he just didn’t include those kinds of songs. He tried once and that song never made onto anything because it sucked; it was trite and ridiculous.

Now though, now he’s written a whole album of them and each one is more beautiful than the last. There’s nothing sad about any of them really, not like he’s pining, he’s just quietly loving a man that can’t love him. They’re friends, best friends even, but Steve loves James “Bucky” Barnes like one of those grand love stories from the Victorian Era. Steve can’t help how he loves Bucky; he didn’t even try to fight it when he realized what it was. He just let himself fall and the more they got to know each other, the more Steve knew that Bucky is worth loving, even if it’s never an affection returned. 

Tony showed up sometime while he was recording and comes into the studio. “Brother of mine, you’ve got yourself a hit in this one, but I thought you didn’t do love songs.”

The girls stay next to Steve and he knows they are trying to hold him up. “It seemed like the right time. Did you really like it?”

Tony takes his glasses off and really looks at his brother. “I think when I ask Pepper to marry me, I’m going to have that song playing in the background.”

Steve goes over, falling into Tony’s arms, letting the smaller man know that his album is something else entirely. It’s an offering of Steve’s heart to a man that Tony likes, admires even, but one that doesn’t see Steve in the way the blond would like. Tony envelops Steve in a hug and hears his brother whisper, “It’s gonna hurt, huh?”

Tony pats his back, closing his eyes when he sees the girls in tears. “Yeah, buddy, it’s going to hurt.”

Tony Stark is only six years older than Steve, but since Maria Stark brought Steve into their house, he’s been the center of Tony’s world. They snipe at each other like any siblings do, but at the end of the day, when they were younger and Tony was home from college, he used to come into Steve’s room and crawl in bed with him when the blond had nightmares, which was almost every night for the first few months. 

Now, the billionaire can’t imagine a world where Steve Rogers didn’t come into his life and make it better. They’re brothers, but also friends and Tony’s going to hold his brother up through this because loving someone that can’t or won’t love you is the worst possible emotional pain when you’re a man like Steve Rogers. And because he’s Steve, the blond will continue to be Barnes’s friend because Steve Roger is just a really good man.

“Alright, I’m taking all of us out for the most expensive, over the top dinner in the city because that album is going to go platinum as soon as it hits the airwaves.” They do go out for dinner and Steve laughs and enjoys his time with them, but he gets distracted on the way home when he gets a text and picture from Bucky. 

Bucky’s left arm and part of his chest is covered in some kind of blue goop. Bucky is frowning at the mirror and it makes Steve chuckle. The text is equally as funny.

_ ‘No one told me I was going to be slimed for this.’ _

Steve shows the girls and they giggle. “What is the role again?”

Looking over at Elle, Steve half shrugs. “I know it’s part of that super hero franchise, but I don’t know what his part in it is.” He can’t tell them that he’s known for years about this part and what Bucky is doing. Bucky fought for this role and when his second installment comes to the big screen, Steve knows he’ll be incredible. Nothing Bucky has ever touched has been anything, but incredible. Even some of his early stuff, when the story was shit and the other actors were horrendous, Bucky was like a diamond. He shines with such talent and charisma that no one can take their eyes off of him.

Especially Steve.

Bucky will be glad to get back to New York. He went to California for wardrobe and contracts, but that was three weeks ago and he just wants to sleep in his own bed, or on Steve’s sofa. That sofa is the best damn bed and it also means having breakfast with Steve and the girls. Steve bought the warehouse years and years ago and designed it with a gym and recording studio on the ground floor and four  apartments on the top floor. The place is amazing and when Bucky falls asleep on Steve’s sofa, he gets to have breakfast with his  three favorite people in the morning. It helps that Steve cooks better than Bucky’s mom.

Making his way from the airport terminal to the car that’s waiting, Bucky has to stop and talk to fans. A few selfies and autographs later, he’s finally in the car. He sends a text to Steve, but doesn’t get a response, so he texts the girls. Elle responds telling him that Steve is in the studio today doing a couple of recordings. She invites him over for dinner and he eagerly  accepts . Getting home, he showers, checks through his email and heads to Steve’s.

Placing his palm on the scanner, he’s inside and riding the freight elevator to the top floor. Letting himself into the apartment, the girls are in the kitchen arguing over what to order for dinner. “You know that if we try to make anything like that, we’ll burn the kitchen down. Dad’s talent in the kitchen did not transfer over to either of us.”

Jackie giggles and tries to sound offended. “I’ll have you know I make the best pancakes and Dad’s even said so.”

Bucky sticks his head around the corner and they’re on him in seconds. “Bucky! Oh my god, it’s so good to see you!”

Elle pushes Jackie out of the way to get her hugs too and kisses his cheek. “You get to break the tie on what to order for  dinner. Pizza or Chinese?”

“You know, I make a really mean chicken and dumplings if either of you are interested.” Jackie runs to the door and grabs her coat. 

“Text me what you need! I’m going to the bodega.” Bucky pulls his phone out, checking the cabinets to see what he’ll need. Texting the list, he looks up at Elle.

“What?” She’s looking at him  strangely .

“I’m glad your home and Dad’s going to be really happy you’re here.” Bucky goes over, hugging her and thinking that family isn’t just about blood, it’s about this feeling.

Steve comes in the door close to seven and smells something incredible from the kitchen. There’s music playing and singing. When he rounds the corner, he stops in his tracks. Bucky, Elle, and Jackie are singing, badly, and dancing around the kitchen. Whatever the smell is, it bubbles on the stove. Steve freezes and just watches them. His heart expands and fills with this vision in his kitchen. 

Part of him longs for this in a different way, but the other part, it can’t fault what he sees as a beautiful part of his life. Bucky spins the girls and Elle sees him first. “DADDY!”

Steve laughs and she runs over to him, dragging him into the chaos. Bucky leans in, hugging him. “Welcome home, Buck.”

“Thanks Stevie, it’s good to be here.” The girls dance off together and Bucky shrugs and brings Steve in to dance. Steve lets himself be pulled in and sinks into the feeling of Bucky’s arms around him.

Dinner is everything Bucky promised and when they’re done, Elle and Jackie get up to clean. Jackie kisses Steve’s cheek and dance off. “You two relax.”

Going out onto the roof, Steve lights a fire in the pit and they sit next to each other. Bucky has his head resting on the back of the chair and turns his head to look at Steve. “How’s the album comin?”

Steve huffs a laugh. “It’s done. I just needed to record a couple of tracks again because I decided to change  some things in two of the songs.”

“What does Tony think about it?” Steve sighs and Bucky chuckles. “He’s looking at awards season, I take it.”

“Yeah, he thinks this might be my best yet.” Steve quirks a half smile. “But he’s also biased.”

“Yeah, but he’s also honest. Tell me about this album, you’ve been pretty hush hush about it.” Steve looks over and he’s got Bucky’s undivided attention. 

Looking down at his hands, Steve tries to decide what to do. “I’d rather you wait and hear it for yourself. I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.”

“Ah, so you’re going to make me wait like all the other people on the street?” Steve nods and Bucky pops him in the arm. “Asshole.”

2015

“Wait! You’re making this up. This isn’t possible!” Elle and Jackie are bouncing around the living room and Steve is in shock. “Tony, I need you to tell me that this is a joke.”

Tony’s leaning across the back of the sofa, shaking his head. “Not joking Steven. Even I wouldn’t be this mean to you. This is for  realsies .” 

Steve looks at the Oscar list again and his name is right there under Best Original Score: Steven G. Rogers. “But...but...” He looks back up at his brother and the girls trying to see if he’s still asleep and dreaming. The front door opens and Pepper comes in with Happy carrying enough food to feed an army and champagne. “There better be a lot of that because I’m going to need it to process this.”

Pepper giggles and hugs Steve, then the girls. Happy is already setting up the food. Tony comes over and leans in so that only Steve can hear. “Mom and Dad would be really proud of you right now and I’m betting Sarah would be too.”

Steve throws his arms around the man and pulls him into a tight hug. “Thank you. Thank you for you and your parents. Thank you for being my brother.”

Tony doesn’t respond, but pats Steve’s cheek and leads him to the table. “You should look at the rest of the nominees.”

Steve sits and scrolls through his tablet and gets to Best Actor in a Drama and there, second from the bottom is: James B. Barnes for Last Full Measure. “I have to call him! Or text him.” Steve hasn’t seen Bucky in months because he left on a shoot. They text now and then, but Steve’s been working on his album and Bucky’s always working. Steve comes close to talking himself out of it, but before he can completely throw the idea out, his phone is ringing and Bucky’s picture flashes on his screen.

Grinning, he answers with, “ Congratulations , Bucky!”

The voice on the other end sounds just as excited. “You too, Steve! Oh my god, can you believe this?”

“For you, absolutely, but me getting a nomination is surreal.” The bellow of laughter on the other end makes Steve smile even bigger. 

“I can’t talk long, I’m leaving wardrobe for set, but I saw your name this morning and had to call.” There’s a huff and Bucky  gets really quiet. “Steve, you deserve this. That music is what made the movie as good as it is.”

Steve gets up from the table and goes into the living room. “Bucky, there’s a reason that you were nominated, you were amazing in this movie. You made the whole thing better.”

Bucky stumbles over his words, but finally says, “I think you’re as big of a fan of mine as I am of yours. Seriously, congratulations, Steve.”

“You too, Buck.” He hangs up and turns back around. All eyes are on him. “What?”

Pepper smirks, but just waves him over. “Who wants a mimosa?” Steve grabs his glass and holds it out. He’s not oblivious to the eyes of his daughters and brother on him.

Elle knocks on Jackie’s door and then lets herself in. Her sister is standing by the window looking out at the night. “You thinking about what we saw this morning too?”

Going over to the window, Elle puts an arm around her sister and  Jacs leans her head on Elle’s shoulder. Jackie is just a few inches taller than Elle, but that isn’t saying much since neither of them break 5’8. Elle keeps her dirty blond hair short, while Jackie keeps her golden blond hair long. Both girls have greenish/blue eyes and the same angular face that their dad had before he had a growth spirt and  put on muscle. They are petite and Steve has told them on more than one occasion that they are the spitting image of his mother. “Yeah, I know we used to joke with him about dating and getting married, but I’ve never seen that look on his face before.”

“He’s falling in love and it’s not a good thing. You saw social media of that actress that Barnes is dating right now. I looked and he always has a girlfriend.” She kisses her sister’s head. “I even had Pepper check and he’s as hetero as they come. Dad’s going to get hurt.”

“Yeah, and I’m not sure there’s anything we can do. I mean, he’s dated, but it never goes longer than a couple of weeks before he backs out.” She turns, glaring Elle. “Jesus Elle, I don’t think he’s had sex since we were conceived!”

“Okay, I did not need you putting that picture in my head.” They both laugh, but it dies quickly. “I just want Dad to be happy.”

“Me too.”

The Oscars is not what Steve’s seen on TV. It looks organized and planned, but from the minute he gets out of the car, he feels like he’s being pushed and pulled in every direction. He’s at the second interview when someone comes to save him. Bucky leans in and whispers, “Don’t tell them anything you don’t want them to know. They’ll ask, but you just smile and wave at the fans.”

Steve turns smiling eyes on his friend. “Bu. ..James , it’s good to see you.” The woman doing the interview looks annoyed because all of Steve’s attention has been taken from her. The two men hug and Bucky stays right next to Steve. 

As they leave that interview and make their way a little further, Bucky keeps a low voice, but keeps telling Steve things he needs to know. “They try and sneak in questions that you don’t want to answer because they think you’re distracted by the fans and cameras.”

“The Grammy’s aren’t like this. This is insanity on a red carpet. Maybe I should write a song about that.” Bucky barks a laugh.

“You do and I’ll sing back up on it.” It’s Steve’ turn to laugh. Both men are in the throes of their own, private comedy, Bucky’s hand on Steve’s shoulder and Steve looking at Bucky like he’s the best thing he’s ever seen.

They end up doing another interview together. “I didn’t know you two knew each other.”

Steve speaks up and stays calm because Bucky’s hand is on his back. “Oh yeah, we met on the set of Last Full Measure when I was writing the score.”

“Is that normal, for the composer to be on set?” Steve looks at Bucky because he’s never composed for a film before.

“No, not usually, but this film was unusual from the beginning. Steve hung out for a couple of days and got a feel for it. I think that comes across in the music too.” She thanks them and they make their way inside for a good, stiff drink. “You did good.”

“I feel like I’m going to have bruises tomorrow.” Bucky laughs and gets him a drink. “Thanks.”

Steve is sitting at the table with the cast and director of Last Full Measure and looks around at all the people that he’s been a fan of for years. Bucky keeps leaning in, whispering things in his ear, making Steve laugh. The Original Score category comes up pretty fast and Steve knows who the other composers are and knows that one of them will win. So, when his name is called after the envelope is opened, he’s stunned into silence and unable to move.

Everyone at the table jumps to their feet and Steve just sits there. It’s finally Bucky that tugs him up, hugging him and pushing him towards the stage.

Steve takes the statue and isn’t expecting the weight of it in his hand. He looks at it as he’s nudged towards the microphone and can’t believe he’s standing here in this moment. Looking over at his table, he sees all of their smiles and tears in Bucky’s eyes. He has no idea what to say.

“Uh...okay, so this is real.” The audience chuckles and Bucky  waves his fist in the air urging him on. “So, this wasn’t supposed to happen and I really have no idea what I’m supposed to say.” Clearing his throat, he thinks about his girls and how they’re probably jumping up and down back home screaming with Tony, Pepper, and Happy. “I’d like to thank the director, Max for calling me and asking me to do this. It’s an experience I don’t think I would have had otherwise. I’d like to thank James Barnes for being a friend and so helpful on understanding the characters, but most of all, I’d like to thank my family, who I’m sure are watching. Hey Elle, hey Jacs. Love you two so, so much, Tony and the ever-amazing Pepper. Happy, make sure they don’t drink too much.” The audience laughs again. “I wouldn’t be here today without the love and support of all of them, but most of all, I’d like to thank Howard, Maria, and Sarah for giving me the love all kids deserve. For being the moral compass that everyone needs in their lives. I wouldn’t be here without them. Thank you.”

Steve takes the statue and heads off stage. He’s dragged through a few interviews and then makes his way back to the table. He gets hugs from everyone, but an  extra-long one from Bucky. It settles his jumping insides.

Tony watches his little brother accept the award and then finds himself crying when Steve thanks their parents. The girls sit on either side of him and cry with him because they never knew Sarah, but Howard and Maria Stark were the grandparents that every kid deserves. “He won.” It’s just a quiet whisper, but the girls hear their uncle.

“He won because you believed in him.” Elle kisses Tony’s cheek and Jackie gets his other.

“He won and you are the best brother that anyone could ask for.” Tony just nods at their words because he can’t believe all of Steve’s hard work got him on that stage. Grammy’s are incredibly meaningful, but Steven G. Rogers just became an Academy Award winning composer. They all watch half-heartedly until the Best Actor in a Drama comes up, then all focus is back on the TV. 

Bucky doesn’t know what to do with his hands when his category comes up. Steve leans forward in his seat and puts a hand on the actor’s shoulder. Something about that simple gesture settles Bucky and he leans into the touch. Thank god Steve is here because no one else at this table would know how to handle his emotions. In the short time that they’ve known each other, Steve’s become so important and Bucky wouldn’t even know how to explain that to anyone.

The actor on stage goes through the nominees and when they get to Bucky’s name, Steve squeezes his shoulder. Bucky reaches up patting Steve’s hand and holding it there. He truly isn’t expecting to win, but has to admit, in a quiet corner of his mind, that he did think through what he would say if he did. When the envelope is opened, the table explodes for a second time. Bucky sits as dazed as Steve did when his name was called, but Steve pulls him to his feet and hugs him. The actor hugs everyone else at the table, but goes back to Steve for a second one. It means everything to Bucky that Steve is right there.

Getting to the stage, he looks at the statue in his hand and realizes what Steve meant about it being heavier than he thought. He looks up grinning at all the people applauding his win, but his eyes settle on Steve. “Wow...okay...this is surreal.” The applause settles down and Bucky looks down at the statue again. “There are so many people to thank for putting me on this stage. This movie was difficult, not because of Max’s unique way of shooting it, but because it was  fraught with emotion. The subject matter had to be handled delicately and I think we all mastered that. So, to the cast, the crew, the director, thank you for inviting me into this incredible experience.” He looks over at the table and sees some of them crying, including Steve. “I’d like to thank my family, who aren’t with me anymore for helping me see that I could be anything I wanted when I grew up. I’d like to thank my friend, Steve Rogers, for always getting it. And last, but not least, because she’d kill me if I didn’t, Natasha Romanov for trusting me to know what I needed to do. Thank you.”

The living room back in New York screams and cries for a friend that wormed his way into their hearts.


	5. Chapter 5

Present

The first song on the album hits radio stations like a sledge hammer. The first single is an immediate hit and social media blows up with questions about Steve’s perpetual single status and whether or not this album is a dedication to someone. Steve does a few of the  late-night shows and plays the song for a mesmerized audience, but never answering the question of his single life being a thing of the past. The tour is organized and while Bucky is away shooting the new movie, Steve, the girls, Tony and the rest of the band, leave for the long  seven-month tour. 

They are starting in the US, except for New York because all of Steve’s tours end in New York. He likes to play his hometown last. For the first time in a long while, they decide to make it an international tour and dates in Canada and Europe are added. The one thing that Steve can count on is that Tony won’t book shows too close together. The girls have always traveled with him even before they were part of the band and each time they went on tour, Steve made sure to have extra days on both sides of shows to take them around and show them new and interesting cultures. That’s how they ended up falling in love with London.

This time, when they are in London, they’ll get to stay in the girls’ apartment instead of a hotel. As they close up the apartments and head out, Steve looks at the place he calls home and misses Bucky something fierce. He’s become such an intricate part of Steve’s life that when he’s away, the blond misses him like a absent appendage. Heaving a great, shaky sigh, Steve closes the door and knows that things will change after this.

“You’re number one for the 5 th week in a row.” Tony comes in, showing Steve the Billboard chart. “I told you this album would put you on top, not that you aren’t always on top when you release an album.”

Steve smiles up at him, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “That’s great, Tony.”

“You still haven’t heard from  him have you?” Steve shakes his head. “You think he figured it out?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I mean, I don’t know, but yeah, that’s probably what happened.” Steve gets up and goes to the window, looking out at whatever city they’re in now. Sometimes it’s hard to keep them straight during a tour. The crowds have been incredible and love the new album and songs. 

Elle and Jackie come into the room, carrying newspapers. “Dad, people are loving this new music. They can’t stop talking about the show.”

Steve turns and really smiles now because when his kids are excited, he’s excited. “That’s awesome. I’m really glad people are liking what we did.”

Jackie snorts. “You mean what you did. Those songs had nothing to do with us. That was all you.”

He hugs them both. “You’re always part of everything I do.”

Bucky’s exhausted. He had no idea this second movie was going to be so hard. The stunts are taxing, but it’s the emotions that are involved that are getting to him. Sitting heavily in his trailer, he pulls out his phone. Steve’s new album dropped this morning and he made sure to download it while he was on set. Putting his headphones in, he hits shuffle and just leans back to enjoy his best friend’s talent. The first song is a shock.

It’s got a heavy bass and isn’t normal Steve music. As it keeps going, it’s really not Steve music. It sounds like sex with a heat in the lyrics that has Bucky blushing. But by the end, it’s clear that it’s about two people that desperately want each other, and have for a while, coming together...finally. It makes Bucky sit up and really listen. He’s never heard Steve like this before and it makes something in Bucky’s stomach turn over.

“What the fuck?” Pausing the music before the next song can start, he gets up to get some water. After that song he needs it.

Pressing play he lets the next song start. It’s heavy guitar that he knows is Jackie. Steve starts talking and the actor smiles. He misses Steve’s voice and he’s talking about world peace and love. Then he starts singing and it’s about coming together. When the chorus starts, he hears Elle’s voice and grins even more. This is more like what he expected. He lets Steve’s voice wash over him and relaxes back into the chair. It’s not that the first song was bad, it was really good, but it got Bucky’s blood up and running south in a way that Steve’s music usually doesn’t.

That song ends and the next one begins. This one is a little more upbeat, but the lyrics are all about a guy in love, but it’s happy, like someone that’s so happy in love that they had to sing about it. Steve doesn’t do love songs and that’s when Bucky starts to see the connecting thread between the  three he’s heard so far. Something about this album is definitely different. Steve’s singing about love. “Huh, that’s different.” Bucky heard the story of the one attempt that Steve made at a love song. They’d laughed long and hard about that because according to Steve, he can’t write love songs. “He must have gotten over that issue.”

When the fourth song  starts, he hears the Crwth and smiles, then the smile fades, Bucky knows what he’s hearing. Looking at the title he swallows hard. Getting up, he keeps listening, but walks the length of the trailer and back again. Over and over, he walks and listens to the words. The heart and soul that Steve’s put into this song is clear. When it hits him, Bucky  stops. “Oh.”

Steve’s fallen in love.

His best friend has fallen in love and didn’t tell him.

Then it really hits him.

Steve’s fallen in love.

Once that really sinks in, Bucky flushes all over and starts to shake. “Oh...”

Shaking himself out of whatever this new feeling is, Bucky forces himself to smile. The next song starts and it’s like the last one. Steve’s heart is out there for everyone to see. Sitting, Bucky leans his elbows on his knees. “This is good, right?” He doesn’t know who he’s talking to. Swallowing again, he has to admit, he’s not happy. He’ll take a backseat to whoever this is and won’t get to see Steve as much as he wants. What if this guy doesn’t like Bucky? What if it’s a choice between their friendship and this new love?

“No!” That’s not going to be a choice that Steve has to make; Bucky won’t allow that to happen. Maybe that’s why he didn’t know about this. That makes the most sense. Steve’s new love doesn’t like the idea of Bucky being around so much. Bucky will not be the reason that Steve can’t have this life that he deserves.

So, weeks go by and he doesn’t contact Steve. He knows his friend is on tour and lets it bubble inside of him until he can’t anymore. Picking up his phone six weeks after listening to the album the first time, Bucky sends a text. He’s listened to the music over and over. Each time it feels even more like a knife to his gut.

_ ‘Tell your Dad congrats on the new album. The whole thing is amazing.’ _

It doesn’t take long to get a response from the girls.  _ ‘We weren’t sure you’d heard it yet.’ _

_ ‘Yeah, filming has been a lot tougher this time. But really, tell him it’s incredible and you two are just as incredible.’ _ Bucky sits, putting his head in his hands and starts to cry.

He doesn’t look at his phone again even though he hears it buzz with multiple texts. Getting up, he heads to makeup and wardrobe. The tears don’t stop all the way there. When the makeup guy sees him, he  pats his shoulder and does his best to cover the puffiness around Bucky’s eyes.

It isn’t until a few nights later that Bucky wakes from a very vivid dream about his best friend.  _ That _ song playing somewhere far off in the dream and Bucky’s dancing with Steve in  _ their _ kitchen. Steve pulls back smiling and Bucky leans in to kiss him. That’s how he finds himself panting for breath, sitting on the edge of his bed. “What the hell?” Getting up he goes to get some water and freezes halfway there. “Oh shit...I’m in love with him.” Running his fingers through his hair, he looks up at the ceiling. “I’m in love with Steve.” But Steve has someone new in his life and it’s not Bucky. 

Bucky sits in the dark for the rest of the night.

2015

The holidays are coming up quick and Steve’s got all of his shopping done except for Pepper, but it’s got to be special because she’s special. He finishes wrapping the three gifts that he got for Bucky and puts them under the tree. The girls still come in, shaking their presents like they did when they were little. After putting the presents under the tree, Steve heads into the kitchen to start planning the menu. He’s got an idea for it, but it’s a lot of prep work ahead of time. Shrugging, he starts the list.

The door opens and he hears the girls and a male voice laughing. “Hey Dad! We found a stray on the street and decided to keep him.”

Turning to find out what the hell his kids are talking about, he sees Bucky. “Bucky?”

“Hey Steve, I hope you don’t mind, but they found me outside trying to figure out your space age security system.” Steve laughs, going to him and hugging him.

“I should have warned you, but....” The girls run to the tree, searching for new gifts. “You two stop shaking everything with your name on it.”

Bucky frowns. “Now that’s just taking all the fun out of it.”

Jackie comes back over, kissing Bucky’s cheek. “We like you.”

Bucky seems a little startled as she runs back to find new gifts. Leaning in, Steve whispers, “Sorry, but we’ve always been really tactile and sometimes they forget that not everyone is like that.”

Bucky turns to look at him. “Are you kidding, I love how free they are with affection. You did a great job raising them.”

“I couldn’t have done it without Tony and our parents.” Steve turns to go back into the kitchen and Bucky’s about to ask what that means. He doesn’t know much about Steve’s past because Steve only talks about the girls. He’s also noticed on the ‘few’ interviews that he’s watched with Steve, the man is very careful about what he reveals about himself.

Elle comes trotting over holding three presents. “It looks like Santa delivered yours too.”

Bucky forgets about what Steve said in favor of looking at the three presents in Elle’s arms. “Who...how...I don’t...”

Jackie smirks from the tree. “Dad likes shopping for Christmas and you get to reap the benefits. He buys the best gifts. Never wrong on what people want.”

Bucky looks back at Steve, who’s looking a little red, but shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “I was out and saw them and thought you’d like it.”

Then it’s Bucky’s turn to shake presents with the girls. Coming into the kitchen, he looks over Steve’s shoulder. “What’s all this?”

“I’m planning Christmas dinner.” Bucky studies the list of dishes.

“Is there anything you can’t do, punk?” Steve snorts and adds something else to the list.

“Nope, I’m an all-around awesome individual.” Bucky elbows him and Steve yelps.

“And modest too.”

Later, after the girls have gone to their apartments, Bucky sits with Steve talking about the new movie. “So, did you get the part?”

Bucky grins, so Steve knows that he did. “It’s a six-picture deal. They haven’t cast the main character yet, but this one that I got has so much depth that I don’t think anyone else sees.”

Steve tips his wine glass at Bucky. “Except you.”

“Well yeah, because I’m just that good.” Bucky winks at him and Steve feels that flutter again. It seems to happen every time he’s around Bucky.

“And modest too.” Bucky barks a laugh at Steve throwing his words back at him.

“Hey, I have a favor to ask.” Steve takes a drink and nods for Bucky to continue. “Natasha, my agent and manager, has this huge party every year for the holidays and I was thinking you could go with me as my plus one.”

Steve nearly chokes on his wine. “Are you...why...don’t you have...”

“No, I don’t have a girlfriend at the present time. I’m thinking of taking a break from dating for a while. I want to think about my career and only my career. Would you help out a friend, Steve?” He  pokes out his bottom lip and Steve rolls his eyes. “Please?”

“Yeah, sure, I mean as long as it’s not on the night of Pepper’s party, I think I can stand to be around you for a little while.” Bucky pops him in the arm and chuckles.

It’s only later that night, when Steve is in bed, that he thinks about his reaction. Since the Oscars, he and Bucky have been spending a lot of time together. As friends and only friends, but suddenly Steve can see himself coming home from the studio and having Bucky there. He can see himself crawling in bed at night with Bucky to snuggle up to. 

He can see himself...with Bucky.

“Are you sure about this suit?” Steve turns around and looks at the girls lounging on the bed, watching him fidget with his tie. “I mean, are you really sure this is...”

Elle gets up, slapping his hands away from his tie and fixes it, glaring at him to not mess it up again. “I swear, Dad, you’re acting like this is a real date and...”

Jackie throws a pillow at her head. “You look amazing and every woman and man there is going to be looking at you.” The girls have one of those staring contests and Steve shakes his head and walks out of the room. Whatever those two are having a mental argument over, he’s not going to get in the middle of it.

The chime from downstairs sounds and Steve hits the control pad to let Bucky in. When the elevator arrives, Steve turns from getting his wallet and stops dead in his tracks. Bucky’s wearing a silver suit that hugs everything good about the man. And that’s saying something since there isn’t anything bad about the man. That’s when the realization hits Steve between the eyes.

Closing his eyes, he lets it wash over him. He’s fallen in love with Bucky. He doesn’t know when it happened and it doesn’t matter now because it’s just a fact. He loves Bucky.

The girls come out of the bedroom and look at the situation. Steve turns to them and they both see it. He loves his girls more than anything in the world and in this moment, he loves them for taking the reins and keeping Steve from doing something embarrassing. 

Jackie runs over to Bucky, making circles around him. “Well, well, well, don’t you dress up nice.”

Elle goes over, kisses Steve’s cheek and then does the same to Bucky. “All the women are going to be falling all over themselves to get to you.”

Steve gives a calm smile, looking down at his hands. Thank god for his girls. Not only did they take the heat off of him, but they reminded him of the fact that Bucky is straight. Love him or not, it’s a  moot point because he can’t feel that way about Steve. 

“What about your Dad, he looks like a million dollars. There’s not a man there that won’t want to get close to him.” Steve’s brain supplies, ‘all but one.’

The party is going strong when they arrive and Nat rushes over to greet them. The way she takes Steve’s hand, almost in a crushing grip, lets the musician know that she’s going to be a problem. He doesn’t know in what way, but he can feel it in his bones. “So, you’re the new friend that takes up all of James’s time.”

It’s so much of an accusation that Steve doesn’t even try to make an excuse. “Yes, I guess that’s me.”

“Natasha, behave or I’ll tell Clint where all of your skeletons are buried.” She swings around, glaring at him.

Close to an hour later, Bucky is in a conversation with some people that Steve is sure are important, but since they aren’t important in his world, he takes his drink and goes out on the balcony. He’s startled by the voice behind him. “I’ve been looking into you, Steve Rogers, and it’s strange how much of your past is not out there for public consumption.”

Steve doesn’t stiffen because he knows there isn’t anything that Natasha Romanov can find about him. Howard Stark made sure of that and since his death, Tony has done an incredible job at covering anything that anyone might try to find. “If it’s not out there for public consumption, maybe you should take that as a hint.”

She reassesses him because he’s obviously just surprised her. “Why don’t you want anyone to know anything about you?”

“I think the question you’re really asking is why don’t I want you to know and the answer is simple, you strike me as the type that likes to have information so you can use it as a weapon.” That knocks her off balance and Steve  knows he’s reading this situation right. “So, why don’t you tell me whatever it is you want to tell me and we can call this conversation over.”

She smirks. “You’re gay.”

“And everyone knows that, so?” He takes a sip of his drink.

“Yes, but James isn’t and I’m afraid, from everything I’ve seen, that you have feelings for him. Feelings that could cause him trouble in his career.” Steve shakes his head and knows that in this moment he needs to be the best actor he’s ever been. 

“James and I are friends, and just friends and will never be more than that.” Steve waves a hand inside at all the party goers. “Hell lady, he’s not even my type. I prefer blonds.” He walks away and sits his glass on the closest table. Heading for the elevator, Bucky catches him.

“Steve?” Steve tries to pull away, but Bucky won’t let go. None of this would be hitting Steve this hard if not for his own realization earlier. “What the fuck did Nat say to you?”

So far past done with this whole evening, Steve doesn’t think about what he’s saying. Turning he pulls his arm out of Bucky’s grip. “She was just protecting her investment. It’s a nice party, but I sure as shit don’t belong here. I’ll see  ya around, Buck.” With that, he steps into the elevator and gets a cab home.

He doesn’t hear from Bucky for a week.

On Christmas Eve, Tony and Pepper are having a small gathering and Steve goes with the girls. Elle and Jackie know that something happened the night of the party, but Steve hasn’t brought it up and they haven’t asked. So, they leave it to their Uncle Tony to get this information.

After dinner, when soft music is playing and people are dancing, Tony pulls his brother off to the side. “Tell me what happened at the party you went to.”

Steve stiffens at that and shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Tony gives him the eye, it’s the same one that Howard used to give him when he clammed up and wouldn’t talk about things. “His agent, Natasha Romanov, cornered me about ruining Bucky’s career by having his name linked with a gay musician.” Tony goes red with anger. “And she’s been digging into my background.”

Tony pulls Steve into a hug and goes to kiss Pepper’s cheek and whisper something in her ear. She looks at him aghast and then over to Steve. She excuses herself and comes over to him, taking his hand and leading him to the dance floor. Tony disappears into the elevator.

Natasha has no idea who could be banging on her door at 11 on Christmas Eve, but it must be someone she wants to see otherwise they wouldn’t have gotten past the doorman. When she swings it open, she’s shocked and a little intimidated that Tony Stark is standing on the other side. But she’d never let him know that.

“Ms. Romanov, no Mrs., interesting, although I guess if your life is so wrapped up in your clients that you have to threaten musicians, there wouldn’t be a Mr.” Tony pushes past her and she tries to get her bearings.

“Mr. Stark, I don’t remember inviting you in.” It’s her apartment and he’s just bulldozed his way in.

“Yes, but give me a week and I’ll buy this place and then all the apartments will be mine.” She is definitely taken aback by that because Stark has enough money to do just that.

“What do you want?” He’s giving the air of  nonchalant , but she knows better.

He gives in indulgent smile. “Digging into the background of my client means that you’re willing to take on the Stark family. Are you really able to take that on and keep your head above water?” It’s a rhetorical question so he plows on. “Let’s be very clear. If you do anymore  digging into my Steve’s life, the whole of Stark Industries is going to come down on your head.” He goes to the door, swinging it open, then looking back at her where she stands dumbstruck. “I don’t think you can survive that and I’m sure your company can’t.”

With that he’s gone. Happy checks the mirror and sees his friend and employer, fuming in the back seat. “Boss, is everything okay?”

“I’ll know in a few days.” Happy nods and lets it go.

Christmas morning, Steve is up with the sun. He’s just pressed the button on the coffee maker, when the chime from downstairs goes off. He’s expecting Pepper and Tony, maybe, but instead, it’s Bucky. Steve presses the button and Bucky pulls the outer door open. He looks tired, but he’s carrying a bag with him.

Once the elevator deposits him in Steve’s living room, he pulls his sunglasses off and looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Steve knows the feeling because he hasn’t slept well either. And even as exhausted as he looks, Bucky is still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. A weak, “Steve,” comes out of the actor’s mouth and Steve’s got his arms around him immediately. “I’m sorry. Nat won’t tell me what happened, but I know she said something to you. I’m so sorry.”

Steve rubs up and down Bucky’s back, soothing the man. “ Sssshhhh , Buck, it’s okay.  _ You _ don’t have anything to apologize for.” Pulling  back he can see the relief in his friend’s eyes. “You want coffee or a nap.”

“I could go either way right now. I haven’t been sleeping because I thought I lost my friend.” Steve pulls him into the kitchen and Bucky drops the bag by the hall table.

“Yeah, same here, but I have dinner prep to do, so you can either drink coffee with me or you can lay down on the sofa and sleep some.” Bucky drops into one of the bar stools and Steve goes to get mugs.

“I think I’ll keep you company. I’ve missed talking to you.” It warms Steve inside to know that Bucky’s been feeling as lost as he has.

By the time the girls get to the apartment, still in pajamas and reminding Steve of when they were little, they kiss their Dad’s cheek and then Bucky’s. Elle volunteers to pass out the gifts, so Jackie sits next to Bucky on the sofa and lays her head on his shoulder. Bucky looks over at Steve, who’s clicking a picture on his phone. They smile at each other and Bucky snuggles down further into the warmth of this feeling of family. 

“And I have one for Bucky from Dad.” Bucky makes grabby hands at it and rips the paper open to find a blue peacoat of soft wool.

“Oh my god! Steve, this is incredible!” He stands up and puts the coat on, modeling it for the other three. 

Jackie makes a wolf whistle. “Hot stuff,  comin through!” Bucky folds over laughing so hard.

Bucky balls up the paper and throws it at her. “You’re a  menace .”

She grins up at him. “Just like my Daddy.”

Elle rolls her eyes and picks up another gift. They go on like this until there’s only one gift left and it’s also for Bucky. The box is small and when he opens it, he chuckles. “I forgot something.” He goes over to the hall table, grabbing the bag off the floor. Bringing it back over, he hands the girls each a gift and then hands one to Steve. 

Steve opens his and looks up at Bucky laughing. “You’re kidding, right?”

Steve had found a watch maker right after Thanksgiving that did all of his watches in reclaimed wood. They are beautiful works of art and each one is unique. That’s what he got Bucky and apparently what Bucky got for him. Bucky chuckles. “Great minds think alike, I guess.”

Bucky stays the whole day at Steve’s  insistence and ends up falling asleep on the sofa that night. Steve covers him with a quilt and stares down at him. The only light in the apartment is coming from the tree and it casts a rainbow of colors on the actor’s face. Steve just stands there staring for a little while. Yeah, loving Bucky is the easiest thing he’s ever done and it doesn’t matter that the man sees him as only a friend. The beautiful man on the sofa is worthy of loving.


	6. Chapter 6

Present

The girls watch their dad and know that he’s exhausting himself. He’s giving everything he can to this tour, the music, the interviews, the fans, but it’s like watching him fade before them. They finally take their concerns to the one person that Steve will listen to in this situation: Tony. “You’ve got to talk to him. He’s...Uncle Tony...he’s...”

Tony kisses Jackie’s cheek. “I’m seeing it too and I’ve got a doctor coming in this afternoon. He’s going to be pissed, but we have to do something.”

Elle comes over, joining the hug. “Thanks.” She looks up. “Have you ever seen him like this before?”

Tony shakes his head. “No, and I’ve seen him at some really down times.”

Steve does fight them on the doctor, but finally gives in when the girls tell him how worried they are. The final diagnosis is that he’s exhausted. The doctor gives him an injection to help him relax and sleep. 

Closing the bedroom door behind him, the doctor looks at them. “He’s already asleep. Does this happen on all of his tours?”

“No, he’s usually better at making sure he gets enough sleep. How bad is this?” The doctor takes off his glasses and looks at the girls.

“It’s bad. I’m going to be surprised if he wakes up before lunch tomorrow.” The doctor goes to his bag, putting his things away. “Mr. Stark, the body can only take so much and even with him being in peak physical health, which he is, he’s not going to stay that way if he doesn’t do something about the underlying condition.”

They’re all on their feet now because they didn’t know about anything wrong with Steve. “What are you talking about, Dr. Banner?”

Elle looks at Jackie in fear. Dr. Banner goes to the girls, putting a gentle hand on their arms. “Ladies, you have to understand that I’m not really that kind of doctor, but something is driving your dad to a state of exhaustion that could hinder his health if we don’t find out what it is.”

They look at each other and something about the look they exchange lets the doctor know that these girls know something. “If we explain a situation to you, can you tell us if that might be the problem?” Dr. Banner nods and the girls, with Tony’s help explain the last five years of Steve’s life. The girls try to be delicate, but Tony just throws it out there without censoring himself.

“So, you’re telling me that he’s in love with someone that can’t love him because they aren’t gay and he’s felt this way for years?” They all nod. “I’m surprised he hasn’t collapsed before now. That’s a heavy burden to carry.”

He starts to leave with a promise to come back the next day and check on Steve. As he leaves, Tony looks at the girls. “What do you guys think of hiring that doctor to finish the tour with us?”

Dr. Bruce Banner becomes the official physician for Steve Rogers the next day. Steve puts up a fuss, but once the girls tell him how much he scared them, being a father first, Steve agrees. Dr. Banner, and his mild-mannered personality fits right into the group. Steve takes an instant like to the man and does everything he’s told to get his body back on track. 

It’s not until they’ve reached Paris that Dr. Banner gets to see the man behind the exhausted patient. Steve’s taking the girls out for the day and Tony drags Bruce along. The girls are 24, but the relationship the three of them have is something special. What’s surprising is that Bruce has only been with them for four months and Steve treats him like family. There is one thing though that still niggles at Bruce and that’s how careful Steve is around him with certain topics.

Bruce offered to do a full physical work up, but Steve had quickly denied the need for it. He traded looks with Tony and the girls, so whatever it is, they know. The part of Bruce that’s a doctor is annoyed because as his attending physician, Dr. Banner can’t do his job effectively without all of the information. Bruce is hurt because there’s at least part of this situation that he’s not trusted to know.

After the three shows in Paris are over, they stay an extra two days so Steve can rest and enjoy time with his family. Tony takes the girls out one night for dinner leaving Steve at the hotel. Bruce goes in that night to ask if he thinks he needs anything to help him sleep. He hasn’t used anything since the shot that Bruce gave him months ago, but the doctor checks every night anyway.

He finds Steve sitting in the dark with only the lights from the city outside as light. “Steve?”

Steve looks up smiling. “Bruce, why don’t you join me for a drink?” Bruce pours one for himself and sits across from Steve. He knows something is up, but wants to give the singer space to explain. “I talked to Tony, Elle and  Jackie, they know I’m having this conversation with you. They’re concerned, but if you’re going to stay with us, you have to know.”

“Steve, I’m your doctor and I think I’ve also become your friend. You can trust me.” Steve sits forward, elbows on his knees and looks Bruce straight in the eye.

“You have to understand, you’ll only be the sixth person, still living, to know what I’m about to tell you. I would like to be sure that I can completely trust you, but if you decide to make money off what I’m going to share, I can’t stop you and I won’t try. Just know, we’re all bringing you into a very small and trusted group.” Bruce nods and Steve tells him a story. By the time he’s done, Bruce is looking at him incredulously. 

“Jesus, Steve, how have you kept this...off of anyone’s radar?” Steve chuckles and Bruce smiles because it’s not filled with angst like one might think, but with joy.

“Being part of the Stark family means having certain protections. Dad and Tony made sure that nothing could be found. Family does what it needs to in order to protect people they love.” Bruce sits down and looks deeply at what he’s been trusted with.

“Then I guess you should welcome me to the family because I’ll never tell anyone.” He looks over and Steve can see that he has another question and nods. “This guy that...well that...”

“That I’m in love with?” Bruce nods. “No, he doesn’t know. I don’t know that I’ll ever share it with him because if he let it slip to his agent, I don’t know what she’d do with the information.” Bruce nods at that and offers his glass. Steve clinks his against it. “Here’s to family.”

“Here’s to family.” Bruce takes a drink. “Thank you for trusting me.”

Bruce becomes a constant on the tour and fans start to take notice that wherever Steve is, there’s Tony Stark, Elle and Jackie Rogers, and Dr. Bruce Banner. Speculations starts to circulate about who this new guy is and if possibly he’s the reason that Steve Rogers suddenly released an album of love songs. When asked by fans or by the media, Steve just smiles and tells them that Bruce is family. That answer was fed to Steve through Tony, who checked it with Bruce, but none of them could have foreseen how people would take that. Steve apologizes profusely to Bruce, but the doctor just grins and tells all of them that if he can help, and protect Steve at the same time, he’s willing to have his name linked with the singers. 

Tony takes Bruce out for dinner while they’re in Germany and they both get a good laugh about the rumor mill. Bruce is quite happy in his heterosexual life, but also has no fear of people thinking he’s gay or bisexual. “You’re a one in a million, Bruce.”

“I’m just a guy trying to help out a friend.” Tony winks at him and by morning, pictures of them out to dinner hit social media with the caption, ‘singer’s alleged boyfriend getting in good with the family.’ Steve goes to apologize again, but Bruce just hugs him and tells him to relax.

Bucky sees the posts in social media too and the more he sees, the more he feels like his feet are being knocked out from under him. His reaction makes no sense to the actor. One of the other people on set see the dark circles continuing to develop under his eyes and tries to be a friend, but Bucky wouldn’t even know how to explain to someone else why he looks the way he does. He doesn’t even know how to explain it to himself. This new guy with Steve really bothers him and it’s not that Steve has someone in his life. Not exactly. He wants Steve to be happy. The man deserves it.

Then Bucky realizes, after seeing a picture of Steve with his arm around the shorter man that’s come out of nowhere and taking Steve’s attention, that he wonders what it would be like to have Steve’s arm around him like that. Hand resting at Bucky’s waist, warmth coming through his shirt. That’s when Bucky has his first freak out.

How in the hell did this even happen? He and Steve have been friends for years and suddenly...what? Bucky’s gay? It just doesn’t compute in the actor’s mind. He can’t be gay. Bucky has always dated women and sometimes in a very public way. He needs to talk this through with someone, but normally that person would be Steve. And he sure as hell can’t talk to Steve about this.

He doesn’t want to talk to Natasha about this because she would tell him to think of his career, which he understands. Her job is to get him jobs or at least in to read for jobs. He could call Clint and talk it over with him, but he would call Nat as soon as they were off the phone. Either way, he would have to deal with Nat and until he can reconcile all of these feelings, he’s not dealing with her.

That leaves one person. A person that he trusts, but then again, he isn’t sure about that with this kind of information. Looking at his phone, turning it over and over in his hands, he finally hits the call button and waits. 

“Well, I’ll be damned! James Barnes is on my phone and this is the way that rumors start, Barnes.” Bucky tries to huff a laugh at Maria’s joke, but it comes out strained. “Bucky? Hey, what’s going on?”

“Maria, I need a friend and I don’t know who I can trust.” Something in his voice must get her attention because she’s suddenly soft.

“I know how that feels and I’m here. Where are you?” 

“We’re still in London, shooting.” He hopes that he’s not making a terrible error in judgement.

Maria does chuckle at that. “Well, you’re in luck. I just got in last night for a scene I shoot in three days. Where can we meet?”

Bucky looks down at his watch, the watch that Steve got him a few years back, the watch that he wears everywhere because he loves it so much. “Jesus fuck!” Wiping his hand down his face, Bucky feels like he just might cry. This just can’t be happening to him.

“Hey, hey, hey, come on, Barnes. Where can we meet?” She’s talking slow, trying to calm him down.

“There’s a pub, near that park where...”

She jumps in. “Yeah, I remember it. I’ll meet you there in an hour.” Bucky starts to hang up, but she catches him. “Whatever is going on, we’ll figure it out.” An hour later, Bucky’s walking through the door of the pub and sees Maria on the upper level. Going up, he kisses her cheek and she gets a good look at him. “Okay, no offense, but you look like shit.”

“Yeah, I’m not sleeping.” The waitress comes by dropping off the drinks that Maria ordered. His friend looks at him expectantly. “Okay, you have to understand, no one knows what I’m about to tell you.” She quirks a disbelieving eyebrow. “No, not even Natasha.” That gets her attention and she gets the seriousness of this conversation. “If I tell you and you decide to sell the information to one of those gossip rags, I can’t stop you, but...”

“I am offended by that. We have been friends for a long time and if something is serious enough to make you look like shit is going on, I’m going to help.” Bucky doesn’t even know how to thank her for that.

He does so by trusting her. “Okay, have you heard Steve’s new album?”

“Yeah, it’s really different from his other stuff.” Bucky nods and takes a deep breath.

“So, he told me once that he’s never been in love before and that’s why he’s never written a love song.” He waits for her to comprehend what he’s saying. When he sees the recognition, he keeps going. “Yeah, so I think he’s fallen in love with someone.”

“You mean the guy that’s suddenly on tour with him and seems to be in all the family pictures?” All Bucky can do is nod. “Okay, but that doesn’t explain...”

Leaning in very close, looking around to make sure no one is close enough to hear, Bucky tells her. “I think...no. ..I know, I’m in love with him.”

Maria sits completely still for a minute, then leans back taking in everything he just said. Looking around herself, she leans back in. “Bucky, since when are you gay?”

More forcefully than he means to, Bucky’s answer flies out of his mouth. “I’m not!”

She gives him a ‘you’re an idiot’ face and pokes the table to emphasize her point. “Well at the very least you’re gay for Rogers!”

It’s Bucky’s turn to lean back in his chair and he looks defeated. “How did this happen?”

Maria gives a half shrug to match her smile. “It happens when you fall for a person and not a gender. It’s happened to me once...maybe twice.” She says it offhanded, but Bucky takes notice and Maria winks at him.

They spend the next few hours talking about Maria and a few people that surprise Bucky. Bucky tells her how he came to this realization and about his and Steve’s friendship. Finally, when he’s feeling a little better, he asks the question that he’s been wrestling with for weeks. “What do I do?”

“I can’t tell you that, buddy. If he’s really involved with this guy and is in love with him, you can’t really do anything. If you’re really his friend, if you really love him, you let him have his happiness.” She watches the reality wash over him.

Nodding, Bucky wraps his brain around that. “Yeah, you’re right. He’s the best guy I know and deserves to have this.” He tries to smile, but he knows it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Besides, what are the chances that he’d even care about some asshole that’s having a sexuality crisis?” Maria doesn’t have an answer to that.

Steve and the girls arrive in London ahead of the rest of the band. Tony and Bruce will join them in the evening, but Steve is just ready to be home. The nice thing is, the girls have the apartment in London, thanks to Bucky. The place is perfect and it has that lived in, homey feel because the girls use this place often. Steve takes the unused bedroom and falls backward on the bed, closing his eyes.

He hasn’t heard from Bucky in a few weeks and only then through Elle and Jackie. Steve’s not sure what he did to have the man texting his girls instead of him, but it is what it is. Elle stands in the doorway and watches her Dad, thinking that whatever is going on between the two men needs to be fixed. “Hey.”

Steve opens his eyes and looks over at the door, smiling. “Hey yourself.” He frowns. “I know that look. You used to get that look just before you climbed the refrigerator to steal candy.”

They both hear Jackie cackling from her bedroom. “IT WAS ALWAYS HER IDEA!”

Elle looks down the hallway. “You didn’t complain!” Looking back at her Dad, she wonders how to express what she wants him to know. “You know, Bucky’s here in London shooting that movie.”

“Yeah, I’m aware, but if he wanted to see me, I’d have heard from him directly.” Elle nods. She gets it, she really does, but something is going on and for the life of her, she can’t figure out what it is.

Jackie sticks her head in. “I think, for now and the purposes of getting through this tour, we just put everything else on the back burner and enjoy our time in London.” They are three cities away from going home and playing the last of the tour to New York City. It’s been a long six months so far and they all want to be home where Steve can grieve without the world watching.

2017

Steve doesn’t expect to see Bucky on the man’s birthday because Natasha is throwing him a party. That isn’t a situation that Steve wants to get back into, so when Bucky invited him, Steve politely declined. Bucky understood and didn’t push. Romanov hasn’t been digging into Steve’s past and Tony has enough alarms set up that if she even makes certain key strokes on her computer, he’s alerted. Having a brother that’s a tech genius is pretty great.

So, the night of Bucky’s birthday, Steve watches a couple of movies with the girls and after the second one, he goes to clean the kitchen. Jackie turns the channel to one of those gossip shows and Steve hears Bucky’s name. He doesn’t go in to watch, but listens all the same. “James Barnes showed up to his birthday party this evening with Gisselle Masters on his arm. The two looked very  cozy getting into the lift.” Steve sticks his head around the corner and wishes that he hadn’t. Bucky’s got his tongue down the woman’s throat and she’s giving as good as he is.

He dips back into the kitchen before the girls can see him. The channel changes pretty quick after that and music fills the apartment. Later in bed, Steve looks it up on his computer and pictures from the party are posted. All of them have Bucky and his model girlfriend seeming very close and happy. Steve sniffles, putting his computer aside, he turns the light off and tries not to think about what he saw. 

The next morning, he meets Bucky for a run. They laugh and shove at each other, but living in the back of Steve’s head now is the image of Bucky with someone else. He hasn’t dated anyone in over a year, but Steve guesses that Bucky is lonely and needed companionship. He can understand that, but not enough to date anyone.

As they make their way to the coffee shop, Bucky gets a text. The smile on his face tells Steve that it’s her. Clearing his throat, Steve smiles his best ‘this is bothering me, but I’m not going to let it bother me’ smile. “You know, if you need to go, it’s okay. We can catch up later.”

Bucky pats his bicep. “Thanks man, she’s just really something.” Steve nods and Bucky runs off in the opposite direction.

Deciding against the coffee, Steve goes home and showers. Once done, he sits behind the piano and starts playing around with a song that came to him last night. That’s where Pepper finds him when she comes in close to lunch. “Steve, that’s beautiful.”

He stops abruptly. “Oh...uh...yeah, it’s just something I’ve been playing with.”

He stands and goes to hug her. “Why don’t you come to lunch with me? I want to talk to you about a photo shoot.”

Two months later, Steve’s in London with Elle and Jackie doing a spread for Men’s Health. They have him work out a little to get his muscles bulging. The girls are off to the side and it’s very distracting to have his kids on the shoot with him, but they insisted. They’ve got their eyes on one of the interns that can’t take his eyes off of Steve. Then the photographer asks Steve to take his shirt off and the poor guy that’s been watching nearly drops the equipment he’s carrying.

Elle and Jackie get the giggles at that, then look back over at their dad. They suddenly see what the guy sees. Their dad is in really good shape. Like he’s really handsome and they wonder if they can get Steve to go out with this guy.

“No! I’m not going out with that kid. Jesus, he’s probably your age. That’s just weird.” Jackie giggles at that and cocks an eyebrow at Elle.

“Yes, but you’re a good-looking man and he obviously liked what he saw.” Elle shakes her head at her sister.

“Dad, all we’re saying is that maybe if you got out and dated someone, you’d feel better.” Steve narrows his eyes and knows that they know.

“I feel fine, girls and dating right now isn’t a good idea.” He stares determined at them, hoping they understand. “It wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved.” They nod and let it go.

Later that night, Elle sits on her bed and looks at the pictures she took at the shoot. Smiling deviously down at her phone, she pulls up Bucky’s contact information. Attaching the pictures of Steve without a shirt, she puts a quick caption and hits send. 

Gisselle is kissing up Bucky’s neck and he’s ready to flip her over and take over when his phone buzzes with a text. “Hey, sorry, but it might be Nat.”

Gisselle pulls away and pouts. “Fine.”

Bucky grabs his phone and sees the name, grinning he opens the message. He nearly swallows his tongue when he sees the shirtless picture of Steve. He knows the guy is built like a beast, but he’s never seen him without a shirt. Steve Rogers is a  specimen and Bucky can’t stop looking. Gisselle looks over his shoulder. “Oh...who is that?”

Bucky breaks out of whatever spell he’s under. “It’s...uh...it’s Steve Rogers, the singer.”

“How sad that he’s a fag.” The relationship between James Barnes and Gisselle Masters abruptly ends. She has plenty to say about him on social media, but when Bucky posts one comment about her being raging homophobe, she quickly stops her attack.

Natasha invites him to lunch a few days later and Bucky knows exactly what this is about. She was thrilled when he started dating Gisselle a few weeks ago and lavished attention on the model to welcome her into the family, but that’s not the family that Bucky wants. He lost his parents when he was 18, but he’s found another one in Steve and the girls. He stops in his tracks on the sidewalk. Steve’s family, Elle and Jackie are family, that’s why he was so offended. Doesn’t change the fact that he saved the pictures of Steve to his phone. He justifies it by telling himself it’s inspiration for this new role he’s signed on to do.

“All I’m saying is you didn’t even explain why you were throwing her out half dressed! Jesus James, it’s like you want to be on the front of gossip rags. You should call her and fix this!” Nat’s glaring at him and that used to scare him, but he also knows that he made her fucking career.

Getting up, Bucky throws the napkin on the table. If Nat thought he wouldn’t make a scene because the restaurant is up-scale, she was fucking wrong. Standing over her, he doesn’t bother to care that others have become interested in him. “Let me make this very clear so you have no misconceptions. I will not date someone that isn’t a friend to the LGBTQIA+ community! If you like her so much, date her yourself, Natasha! I will not turn my back on my friends to make you happy!” He starts away from the table, but turns back, making his voice loud enough for her and everyone else to hear. “I found family in an unlikely place, a place you don’t like, so fuck you Natasha Romanov for being as much of a problem as Gisselle was!”

When he gets to the front door of the restaurant, the General Manager stops him. “Mr. Barnes.” Bucky stops and is ready to apologize when the man hugs him. He points to a picture over the hostess booth. “Thank you. Anytime you want a table here, it’s yours.” The picture is of the man that just hugged him and another man, arms around each other.

“Your husband?” The man nods. “Thank you.”

“No sir, thank you.”

Bucky goes straight to Steve’s apartment. Pressing the chime, he really hopes that Steve is home. He needs to see his friend. His best friend. 

He hears a squeal and now thinks that maybe Steve isn’t home, but the girls are. Elle lets him in and meets him downstairs at the elevator. “Bucky!” She throws herself into his arms and he pulls her close.

“I’m really happy to see you.” She pulls back and lifts the door when they reach the upper floor. He’s immediately hit with Jackie and wraps her in a hug, spinning around. “And you too.”

“Everything okay?” Elle looks at him closely.

“I just had it out with Natasha about the Gisselle thing.” They lead him into the apartment and Steve is sitting at the piano. Whatever he’s working on is beautiful. Steve looks up and grins. “Hey, I hope it’s okay that I just showed up.”

Steve comes over, hugging his friend. “Of course. You don’t have to ask or wait for an invitation. You can be here anytime you want.”

Bucky watches the happy gleam in Steve’s eyes. “I think you’re my best friend, Steve.”

Steve nudges him and heads into the kitchen. “Well, stay for dinner and let’s see if I can get you to be sure.” Bucky barks a laugh and the girls drag him into the kitchen.

“What was that you were working on?” Bucky looks back at the piano.

“Not sure yet. It doesn’t have a face or feet yet.” He looks up and Steve winks at him.

The girls roll their eyes and Bucky smiles softly. “Quoting ‘Young at Heart’ to me is a  sure-fire way to get me to stay all evening.”

Steve spreads his arms. “Why do you think I did it?”


	7. Chapter 7

Present

Steve looks down at his phone and wonders if he should take the chance of getting hurt. The girls took Tony and Bruce out for dinner and Steve told them he needed to sleep. After what happened earlier in the tour, they don’t push and leave him to rest. He looks at his phone again. “Fuck it.” Bringing up the messaging, he types out something quick.  _ ‘Hey, I just wanted to say hi. It’s been a while.’ _

The response comes almost immediately.  _ ‘Steve! It’s good to hear from you. I thought you’d be too busy.’ _

_ ‘That’s what I thought about you too, but I’m never too busy for you, Buck.’ _

Bucky’s next response makes Steve smile down at his phone.  _ ‘Watch out there, Stevie. A guy could get a big head with talk like that.’ _

There’s a chuckle and Steve throws caution to the wind and says what he really wants.  _ ‘I miss you.’ _

The typing bubbles come up and then disappear, then come up again and disappear. Then Steve’s phone is ringing. “Bucky?”

There’s something breathless about how Bucky sounds. “Steve...” There’s nothing else, just his name.

“Are you okay?” There’s something that sounds like a huff of laughter, but once Bucky starts talking again, Steve knows it’s something completely different.

The man on the other end is crying. “I miss you so goddamn much. I know you’ve got someone new in your life and I probably don’t fit in like I used to, but I just miss you.”

Bucky’s wound himself up and is full on sobbing now. “Hey, hey, hey, take a breath, Buck. I don’t have anyone in my life. If you’re talking about Bruce, he’s my doctor.” Steve knows he shouldn’t be saying this, but he’s never heard Bucky like this before. “I had an episode in Seattle and Tony called in Bruce to help. He’s stayed with us because he’s good at what he does and has become a really good friend. But it’s nothing romantic.” Suddenly, it occurs to Steve that he had no reason to add that last part, but the way that his friend is acting forced the words out.

There’s a sniffle on the other end, then a  weak, “ Oh, I guess I shouldn’t believe everything on social media.”

“Well, truth is, we  sorta let people run with the idea. Bruce didn’t mind and it stopped some of the more invasive questions.” Steve finally hears a chuckle and knows that Bucky is nodding.

“Yeah, I get that. I was just afraid...” There’s more that isn’t being said.

“Afraid of what? Tell me what you thought.” Steve sits on the balcony, watching the night and wonders where his friend is.

There’s a heavy sigh and it’s Bucky’s resigned to tell the truth sound. “I thought if you had someone in your life, you know...if you were in love with someone...that there wouldn’t be room for me.”

“Oh  jesus , Bucky, there’s never going to be a time that there isn’t room for you. Hell, after all these years, you’re my best friend, you’re family to me.” There’s a  commotion on the other end of the phone as Bucky is trying to respond.

“Could I...” The words get lost when someone starts yelling. “Shit Steve, I have to go. They’re calling me to set. We need to finish this talk.”

“Yeah, yeah...okay. Go be an action hero.” Bucky laughs freely and Steve can’t help joining in. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yes, please.” They hang up and Steve looks down at his phone. Bucky thought he was dating Bruce and was giving Steve room to have a relationship. If Steve doubted what a good man Bucky Barnes is, he wouldn’t anymore, but for Steve, there’s no one that’s a better man than his best friend.

Bucky feels lighter than he has in months. All of this heartache on his part and Steve doesn’t have a new person in his life. They run the scene multiple times and each time Bucky hits his mark. The director starts yelling for one more shot and Bucky freezes for just a second. “Barnes, you okay?”

He jolts back into the moment, waving off the concern. “Oh...uh...yeah, sorry man. Can’t believe I just froze like that.” The director waves it off and they block the shot again. Bucky runs through it without an issue. They call it a night and he  heads to wardrobe to have the damn arm removed.

Standing in the trailer, he watches as the crew works and then heads to his car. The driver asks if he wants to stop for anything and Bucky shakes his head. The drive is silent because all Bucky can think about is the question floating around in his head. 

If the songs on the album weren’t for Bruce then who the hell are they for?

2017

Steve loves Christmas shopping and he prefers to do it in person and not online. Sure, he’s ordered things off of the internet, but once Thanksgiving is over, he hits the streets and gets into the spirit of the season. Right after Thanksgiving dinner, Elle and Jackie flew to London to visit friends. They had promised that when they got there, the friends that didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, would get the honor of the girls fixing them a traditional feast. That has Steve concerned because Elle makes an incredible grilled cheese and Jackie can make pancakes, but that’s as far as their culinary prowess goes, so he’s worried that they will end up setting someone’s house on fire.

He sent them with explicit instructions on everything. That thought makes him smile because the recipes are from Maria and Sarah. Both incredible women that knew everything there was to know about cooking. Steve misses both of his moms and has tried to pass their wisdom to his daughters as a way of honoring them.

Coming out of the coffee shop, he almost runs into someone. Looking up, he grins. “Bucky, what are you doing in town? I thought you had a shoot over the holidays.”

Bucky looks up smiling at that voice because nothing beats seeing Steve. Leaning in, he hugs his friend. “I got back last night because the director’s wife went into labor.” He sees the coffee in Steve’s hand. “Hey, give me a minute to get mine and I’ll join you on what I can only assume is one of your shopping trips.”

Steve laughs and Bucky goes to get his coffee. As they make their way down into the shopping district, Bucky watches Steve take in all the sights and sounds. Looking over, Steve sees that he’s being watched. “What?”

“You really do love this time of year.” Steve stops at a gallery and looks in.

“Yeah, I really do. Ma and I didn’t have much when she was still alive, but we still went window shopping. When she died and I went to live with the Starks, there was always money, but Maria treated Christmas different.” He looks over and Bucky seems to be hanging on his every word. “It wasn’t about how much money she could  spend; it was about the meaning behind the gift.”

“I think that’s the most you’ve ever told me about your past.” Steve feels guilt for a minute because they are friends, best friends, and he’s still very closed off. “So, how old were you when your mom died?”

“Fourteen.” Bucky stands there stunned. “I lived on the streets for about four months until Maria found me.”

Reaching out, Bucky seems afraid to touch him for fear Steve will pull away. When his hand lands on his friend’s shoulder, Steve smiles. “Steve, I’m sorry.”

Steve keeps smiling. “You know what Howard and Maria taught me?” Bucky shakes his head. “That everything we go through, the loss, the heartache, it’s all what makes us who we are. If we accept it and celebrate it, at some point we stop remembering the pain and start remembering the good things.”

“They sound like amazing people.” Steve goes for the door of the gallery and Bucky follows.

“They were more than amazing, they were miracles.”

Bucky spends the day with Steve. They shop and he watches the way his friend picks the gifts. The gallery is for Pepper. The painting Steve choses is an abstract of blues and greens. It doesn’t mean much to Bucky, but it isn’t about that. Bucky watches how Steve assesses the painting and it’s just what the blond said, it’s about the meaning behind the gift.

“What do you see?” The actor is curious what draws Steve to this painting and not the others.

Steve stands back, tilting his head just so. “You know when you get up early in the morning, you know earlier than you meant to get up and you’re standing at a window watching the sun come up?” Bucky furrows his brow and searches Steve’s face. “Okay, I’m not explaining this right.” Bucky nods for him to keep talking. “So, sometimes when that happens you see something that you wouldn’t have seen otherwise, like you just happen to be in the right moment at the right time. And that moment and what you see stays with you. Never leaves you?”

Now Bucky gets it. “Yeah, I do know what you mean.”

“So, when I look at this, it’s like that moment that will live as part of me forever.” Steve smiles at the painting. “That’s why I want Pepper to have this. I want to give her that moment.” They leave the gallery and keep walking. By afternoon, Bucky and Steve are both tired, and make their way back to the warehouse. “You stayin for dinner?”

Bucky snorts. “I know you have leftovers and I’m not leaving until I get some.” 

The night is full of warmth and good food. Bucky cleans the kitchen and comes out drying his hands about to say something when he sees Steve asleep on the sofa. The blonde’s phone buzzes with a text and Bucky checks it. The girls sent a picture of a perfectly cooked turkey. Pulling out his own phone, he takes a picture of Steve, bathed in the lights from the tree. He sends it back with the caption, ‘we shopped today and he’s all tuckered out.’

He gets a response, immediately. ‘That’s dad for you. Thanks for taking care of him.’

Bucky sits down in a chair across from the sofa and reads from his phone. Steve shifts and Bucky looks up to see if he’s awake. He’s not and Bucky finds himself staring at his friend. Steve Rogers is a beautiful man and Bucky’s secure enough in himself to admit that, but more than that, Steve Rogers is a good man, decent in a way that most people aren’t anymore. Bucky’s just lucky that he met this guy and got to see inside this world that Steve’s created for himself.

Steve wakes on the sofa the next morning, not sure when he fell asleep. Bucky is standing by the window looking out at the early morning. He’s lit by the dawning sun and Steve doesn’t want to breathe because he doesn’t want this second to leave without taking in everything. Bucky is so beautiful. The sharp angles of his jaw and the almost golden hue in his hair. He cradles a cup in his hands that steams up around his face and makes him looks like he’s full of magic. This is exactly the kind of moment that Steve was talking about yesterday. This, right now, will live with him forever.

He’s not sure how long he lays there looking at the man he loves, but when Bucky turns, seeing Steve’s eyes open, he smiles warmly. “Morning.”

Steve squirms around, not wanting to get up yet. “Morning.”

Bucky leaves the room and comes back with another mug of coffee. “Here, this will help.” Finally sitting, Steve takes the mug and hums around the taste.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep on you last night.” Bucky waves him off. “You didn’t have to stay if you didn’t want to.”

“I did want to, but I’m going to be honest, that chair is not nearly as comfortable as that sofa.” Steve chuckles softly, not wanting to damage the gentle quite of the morning.

“Next time, take my bed.”

Bucky glows with warmth. “Next time I will.”

Bucky starts really thinking about what he’s buying when he shops for Christmas. Before, he just looked at things and the expense of them, but after spending that day with Steve, he looks at what he’s buying with the idea of who it’s for at the forefront of his mind. Shopping for Steve and the girls is the most important. Once he starts looking at what he’s buying, really looking at it, he sees things that his parents would have loved.

An antique kettle reminds him of Christmases at his grandparents and the tea that his mother loved. He goes into a smoke shop when he sees a pipe in the window that reminds him of one that his dad had. They aren’t big things, not expensive, but they would have meant the world to his parents. He finds himself teary eyed when he starts looking at things the way Steve talked about. Then, he ends up in a music shop that has a display of unusual instruments.

A young woman comes over, leaning in. “Can I help you with something, Mr. Barnes?”

Bucky turns, smiling. “Uh...I have a friend that’s a musician and I’d like to get him something that he’d appreciate. What are these?”

“Oh, these are some of the more unusual instruments that we carry. Is there one that your friend might be interested in?” Bucky can’t take his eyes off some kind of string instrument. He points at it and she smiles. “That’s a Crwth, it’s a Welsh instrument from the Middle Ages. It wasn’t really popular after 1800, but it’s seen an upsurge recently.” Bucky wants that, he wants that for Steve. “Would you like to see it?”

He leaves the store later with it packed in a protective case. He wants to give Steve something that tells the man that Bucky sees him and appreciates his friendship and talent. Bucky wants Steve to know that their friendship is the best thing the actor has ever experienced. So many people want something from Bucky, even Nat and Clint, but Steve just wants his friend to be happy and whatever that means, it makes Steve happy.

The light in Steve’s eyes on Christmas morning is worth everything to Bucky. Before the morning is over, Steve has figured out how the instrument works and the girls even start playing around with it. Bucky just smiles and watches them try to master something new. Dinner is perfect, just like always with Steve, and Bucky falls asleep on the sofa and wakes the following morning covered with his favorite quilt. According to Steve, it was one of the few things that he still has of his mom’s.

Steve wakes him with coffee and fresh muffins. “Did you sleep okay?”

Bucky grins over at him. “Like always. I’m telling  you; this sofa is the best.”

Steve chuckles and they drink their coffee in silence for a few minutes. “Buck?” Bucky looks over. “That gift is amazing and I just wanted to say thank you.”

“You said thank you yesterday, punk.” Steve stares down at his coffee, smiling softly. “Stevie?”

He doesn’t raise his eyes, and flushes just a little. “I mean it. Thank you for that.” He never meets his friend’s eyes and Bucky  takes that to mean that it means more than Steve can express. 


	8. Chapter 8

Present

Steve sits the girls down when they get back to New York. He knows that Bucky is still in London or somewhere else in Europe, but he’ll be home in a few weeks from filming and Steve’s got to decide what he wants to do about this situation. They have three shows at Madison Square Garden and then Steve can rest, but with this other thing hanging over his head, he needs to talk it out.

Elle and Jackie watch him nervously fidget. Looking at each other, he can tell they’re having one of those mental conversations again. Elle finally looks over at him. “Dad, you’re thinking about telling  Bucky aren’t you?”

He nods, but then realizes that they might have the wrong idea. “I’m not telling him how I feel, I’m thinking about telling him about...me.”

Jackie gets up and goes to sit on the floor in front of him. “Why haven’t you told him before now?”

She shrugs and sits back in the chair, staring off at nothing. “Because I don’t want him to see me any differently and this is one of those things that could do that.”

Elle joins her sister on the floor. “If it changes how he sees you, then he isn’t the person we all think he is.”

Steve loses himself in his thoughts for a few minutes. “When you girls were old enough to understand how other families looked and started asking me questions about your mom, I was worried your opinion of me would change.” They’re both shocked by that. “Tony is the one that made me understand that nothing about the situation would change how you two loved me.”

“Dad, we asked the questions because we...” Jackie looks at Elle and gets a nod. “We asked those questions because we thought less of ourselves for not having two parents.”

Steve’s eyes jerk back to his girls. Leaning forward, he pulls them both into a hug. “Fuck! I never meant for you to feel that way.”

“NO!” Elle leans away, looking up at the man that’s given her and Jackie everything. “It wasn’t because of anything you did, Daddy. I was because of what some of the kids at school were saying.” 

Jackie finishes for her. “They would tell us that you bought our mom off or that you took us illegally.” Elle leans her head on her sister’s shoulder. “One asshole even told us that we weren’t really yours.”

Steve snorts at that because his girls look so much like him that no one would ever mistake them for anyone else’s. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”

Both girls sit back, wiping away tears and sniffling. “Now, about telling Bucky.” 

“Yes, about telling Bucky.” Steve smiles at them because they are such amazing young women and he loves them like nothing else.

“It’s about damn time!” Jackie jumps up and pulls them both up after. “Now, I’m going to make pancakes and bacon for dinner.”

Steve wrestles with himself over how to tell Bucky and how much to tell him. The story is long and complicated and the last thing he wants is the man’s pity. He wants him to understand why Steve didn’t tell him before, why it’s so personal that only six living people know the whole story. He wants Bucky to still see him as the Steve he knows.

They have a quiet dinner and the girls leave him to collect his thoughts. He doesn’t know when Bucky will be back in the States, but he hopes that it’s before the holidays. Sitting down at the piano, Steve starts playing the song that means the most from the new album when his phone rings.

Picking it up from the top of the piano, Steve can’t help the smile. “Hey Buck.”

There’s a quiet huff of a chuckle from the other end. “Hiya, Stevie. Are you busy?”

“Never too busy for you, Bucky.” Only after he says it does he realize how it could sound. Before he can cover it with some explanation, Bucky laughs.

“I’m glad to hear it. I wanted to let you know that I’m going to be home on the 23 rd . You think we could spend some time together?” He sounds hopeful and Steve likes that their misunderstanding about Bruce didn’t do permanent damage to their friendship.

“When you get off the plane, come straight here and I’ll fix you some good food and you can fall asleep on my sofa. How’s that sound?” The idea of seeing Bucky sets Steve’s stomach fluttering.

The soft, warm tone of Bucky’s voice settles Steve in a way that nothing ever has. “That sounds about as perfect as anything I’ve heard in a long time.”

Bucky hangs up the phone and thinks about the conversations. He’s been fighting himself for weeks and weeks about these feelings. He has days when he wrestles with whether or not what he’s feeling is real or just loving Steve like a friend would. He’s talked to Maria repeatedly and every time she asks the same question. “When you think about him, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?”

Bucky’s answer is always different, but definitely not just friendly. It ranges from, “I want to hold him” to “I want to kiss him until my lips are swollen” to “I just want to see him.” 

Bucky Barnes is in love with Steve Rogers and it scares the hell out of him. Yes, Natasha’s going to be pissed off, not because he’s in love with the man, but because he’s in love with the man to the point of not caring what it does to his career. Clint will probably be okay with it, but he’ll have to figure out how to spin it with the press. The scariest part for Bucky isn’t any of that, it’s that he doesn’t know how Steve is going to react.

He calls Maria and expresses that. “Barnes, I  gotta tell ya, the man would be lucky to have you. And I’m not just saying that because you’re my friend, I’m saying it because it’s true.” She gets quiet, then adds, “Bucky listen, you have to come to terms with this yourself. I know it hasn’t been easy and there’ve been days when you can’t face it. You have to be damned sure before you say anything to him. If he’s willing to give it a shot, you have to be sure.”

That’s where Bucky is now. Even if he’s not sure about the romantic part, he’s damn sure he wants their friendship solid. Having Steve in his life has been a gift that Bucky’s not sure he deserves, but he’s going to hang on to it with everything he’s got. 

2018

“Can I just ask why you haven’t told him if he’s such a good friend?” Pepper looks over at Tony because Steve showed up shaking and flushed. She’s worried that Tony is being too challenging with his question, but Steve seems to take it in stride. Sometimes she has to remind herself that these two have known each other for a long time and Steve grew up with Tony’s abrupt attitude.

“At  first, I didn’t tell him because we weren’t really friends, you know?” Tony nods. “Then when we were friends, I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want to lose that.”

“And now?” Steve gets up, hands on his hips and paces around.

“Now, I’m scared.” Pepper watches Tony looks at Steve disbelieving.

“You’ve never been scared of anything in your entire life, Steven.” Steve turns, smiling at Tony, but there’s something so sad about it. “What? Talk to me, kid.”

Taking a seat again, Steve looks over at his friend, his family, his brother. “When I was younger, before I came to live with your parents, I would fight anything that seemed like an injustice. I got into more fist fights than Ma could keep up with. Coming home beat up was a way of life. Then, I don’t know, I had to live on the streets and learned that keeping your head down was sometimes better than trying to face off against someone. I guess I started keeping my head down and didn’t bother lifting it back up.”

That takes Tony aback because he’s never thought of Steve being afraid of anything. Maybe, just maybe, not seeing Steve’s fear was easier. Tony’s just always needed to protect his little brother from being hurt. “You’re really afraid of losing his friendship, aren’t you?” Steve nods. “I know you have feelings for him, but I guess I didn’t know how deep those feelings went.”

Steve inhales deeply and Tony hears how is cracks and breaks, like the blond is trying to keep from crying. “Tony, I love him and I didn’t think it was possible to love someone outside of the girls this much.” His hands are shaking again and Tony gets up and kneels in front of him.

“Steve, if he’s half the man you think he is, you have nothing to be afraid of, but you have to be sure.” Tony puts his hands on the outside of Steve’s holding them steady. “Be very sure.”

Bucky lets himself into the apartment and hears Steve playing something on the guitar. He stops and just listens to the melody that’s soothing, but also haunting. When Steve looks up, locking eyes with the man, he stops playing and Bucky misses the melody immediately. “You didn’t have to stop.”

“Oh...that’s just something I’m messing around with.” Sitting the guitar aside, he heads into the kitchen and Bucky follows. “Are you hungry?”

“Have you eaten?” Steve shakes his head and opens the fridge. “Then I’ll join you for lunch.”

“Sometimes I think you time your visits just so you can eat.” Bucky barks a laugh and plops down in a bar stool.

“I can’t confirm or deny that accusation.” They have a nice lunch and talk about nothing important, but    
Bucky can tell there’s something on his mind. “Steve, what’s going on?”

He sees the musician weighing whether or not to say anything. It seems that he makes a decision, but it also looks like he’s resigned to...something. “Buck, we’ve been friends for a few years and I consider you my best friend.” Pushing the plate aside, Bucky nods, giving his full attention to Steve. “You know I don’t talk about my past.”

“I’ve never pushed about that, but yeah, I know there are things I don’t know.” Steve bobs his head. “Steve, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want me to know.”

“See, that’s just it, Bucky, it’s not that I don’t want you to know, it’s that I’m not sure how you’ll take it.” Steve takes a deep breath and Bucky prepares himself for whatever this is. 

Then his phone goes off with Natasha’s specific ring tone. “Shit!” Steve motions for him to answer, but part of the actor doesn’t want to. “Hello?”

“I need you in the office now! There’s a director that wants you for his movie, but I can’t get Lee to agree to let you do it until you talk to him directly. Get down here.” 

Bucky sighs and looks up at Steve. “Go.” He gives a silent apology to Steve and heads for the door. Whatever Steve was about to tell him was important and leaving is more difficult than it should be. On the street, Bucky looks up at the top floor and sees Steve watching him. Lifting his hand to wave, Steve mirrors the action. 

He sends a quick text with an ‘I’m sorry’ and makes his way to Natasha’s office. Sometimes he swears that woman has cameras everywhere and just when Bucky starts to relax, she stresses him out. The meeting goes well and when it all hammered out, Bucky has the part in an independent movie that sounds amazing. In the excitement of all of that good news, he forgets about the conversation with Steve.

Steve doesn’t bring it up again.


	9. Chapter 9

Present

Bucky arrives back in New York the afternoon of the 23 rd of December. He’s exhausted, but the only thing that keeps him going is knowing that he’s going to see Steve. For the last week and a half, he’s thought a lot about what Maria said to him and the conclusion that he’s come to seems too easy. He loves Steve with every fiber of his being and wants to build something special with the man if that’s what Steve wants. The car drops him outside of the warehouse and Bucky puts his palm against the scanner. The door pops open and he can’t help the smile that lights his face.

Steve’s waiting for him when the elevator opens. The blond is in his arms in the next second. Bucky has missed these hugs and holds Steve against him letting his insides settle. He had no idea how much he missed seeing Steve until they are face to face. 

Steve pulls him into the kitchen and puts a plate in front of him. “You look tired.”

Bucky can’t keep his eyes off the man because he’s so damn beautiful and those blue eyes look at him like he matters. “I’m tired, but I’m home now, so it’s okay.” Steve asks about the movie and everything that happened while they were having their misunderstanding. They both apologize for that again. When he’s done eating, they go into the living room and the tree is lit up and gifts spill out from under it just like every year. “Are there presents that I should be shaking?”

“I’m pretty sure there are one or two with your name on them, but your real gift isn’t under there.” Bucky freezes because that sounds almost like an invitation, but he looks up and sees that Steve is very nervous about something.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Steve sits down in one of the chairs by the window and Bucky takes his lead and sits on the sofa.

“I need to tell you some things and it’s going to be hard for me.” Bucky shakes his head not understanding. “I need to tell you about myself, things that you don’t know.”

“You tell me what you’re comfortable telling me and nothing more.” It’s Steve’s turn to shake his head.

“I wanted to tell you, please know that, I really did, but I wasn’t sure at first that it was safe to do that, then when I thought I was ready, things got in the way.” He rubs a hand down his face and Bucky knows that move and realizes just how important this must be. “I just really don’t want to lose you as a friend and this could do that.”

Bucky’s on his feet in seconds, kneeling at Steve’s feet. “Nothing you tell me could ever chase me away.” He tries to convey the truth of that statement through his look. No matter what Steve has to tell him, it’s never going to chase Bucky out of his life.

Steve holds on to him for a few more seconds. “Maybe you should go sit. It will be easier that way.” Bucky seats himself back on the sofa and watches the nervousness coming off his love in waves. And it hits him in the chest like a ton of bricks. Steve Rogers is the love of his  life; he’s never felt this for anyone and this beautiful man sits across from him looking like his world is about to come crashing down. “I’m going to start at the beginning and you  hafta understand, Bucky, my life had some hard stuff, but it’s been good too.”

Bucky nods. “I’m here to listen and you have to know I would never judge you.”

Steve looks unsure. “Famous last words.” Maybe it shouldn’t, but those words scare the hell out of Bucky.


	10. Chapter 10

1996

Sarah Rogers loves her son like nothing else, yes, he’s different, but it doesn’t matter to her. She’s raised him to stand with his head held high and not to listen to anyone if they start whispering about him. She made the mistake years ago of trusting someone with the secret and that person told others. So, the whole neighborhood seems to know, but she still tells Steven to hold his head up and not let them see even when it does get to him. But she also teaches him how to not be hard and unforgiving. She teaches him how to be a good boy and as he gets older, she sees that he’s going to be a good man someday.

And it all would have been fine, except that on a particular evening, things get out of hand with one of the bullies and Steven is assaulted in a way that no one should have to suffer through. She rushes into the ER that she’s worked at for all the years that she’s been a nurse and the police explain what happened. His bloody clothes are carried past her in a plastic evidence bags, but instead of sobbing like some mothers might, she squares her shoulders and asks to see her son. Steven, being as small as he is, even at 14, isn’t expected to make it through the night. Sarah sits next to his bed and talks to him the whole night. She tells him that he isn’t allowed to leave her alone. She tells him about his father and what a good man Joseph was. She tells him that he will grow into a good man too. She tells him that no matter what he might feel about what happened, he will survive it and she’ll be there through all of it. She tells him he’s allowed to be angry, but not allowed to let that anger rule his life.

It takes two days, but he finally comes out of the coma, surprising everyone, except Sarah.

The police do nothing because a boy being raped is not  something they can wrap their heads around, so Sarah fights with them over and over until they finally find the boy that did it and Steve presses charges against him. It helps Steve in ways that Sarah can’t and he heals as best as he can. He still limps sometimes, but it’s the sickness that gets to him more than anything else. He doesn’t want to face what he thinks it might be, but after a month, he has to come to terms with his situation. He doesn’t tell his mother because they have so little as it is.

He begs one of the nurses, Clare, who is the only person outside of their little family that Sarah trusts, to help him figure out what’s wrong. When she finally figures it out and tells him, Steve is devastated in a way that nearly does him in. He considers many different avenues. One would destroy his mother to the point that she would never recover, the other is to destroy a life that hasn’t even gotten a chance to live yet. He doesn’t think it can get worse.

But it does get worse for Steve.

On her way home from work one night, Sarah is attacked for what little she has in her purse. When the assailant sees that she has next to nothing, he beats her to death. When the police knock on the door the following morning, Steve throws up in the toilet for more than one reason. He has no family beyond his mother, he has no friends, so when they tell him he’ll have to go into foster care, he packs what little he can carry in his backpack, grabs the quilt from Sarah’s bed and leaves in the middle of the night. He knows that he can’t go into foster care, they wouldn’t understand a boy like Steve.

Present

Steve pauses in his story and looks over at Bucky who is trying to put together what he’s hearing. Steve’s trying to tell him something without saying it, but Bucky’s brain isn’t wrapping around the idea. “Steve, I don’t understand, foster care isn’t great, but you were a good kid. Why would you rather be on the street than in a warm orphanage or home?”

Tears track down Steve’s face and Bucky wants to get up and wipe them away, but the look on Steve’s face tells him to keep his seat. The grief is so real, so apparent and Bucky’s heart breaks for what he’s seeing in Steve’s eyes. What hurts the most, is how sure Steve is that what he’s about to say is going to chase Bucky from the warehouse. “Bucky...oh Buck...if I’d been a normal kid, sure, but I never was.” Bucky’s shaking his head in denial because anything would have been better than Steve being on the street. The blond lets out a broken sob. “I’m intersexed, Buck, and I was pregnant.”

The bottom falls out from under Bucky. He looks around the apartment seeing evidence of the girls. Steve’s girls. This explains every time Bucky said something about their mother. There is no mother. There’s just Steve.

Steve keeps going because that’s only part of the story.

1996

It’s Mid-October and it’s starting to get cold. Steve’s been on the streets since June and he’s been approached by more than one John and more than one pimp. His slight form is very appealing, but he tells all of them where to step off. He may be hungry and dirty and cold, but he’ll be damned if he does what they want. Steve would never do that and considering he’s responsible for this baby too, he’s not going to endanger them like that. Being small, like he is, Steve is able to find places to sleep and usually enough to eat. The colder it gets though, the harder it’s starting to get.

He hasn’t eaten in about four days and decides to head to the nicer part of Brooklyn to see if any of the expensive restaurants have put anything out. Sometimes they put food out for stray cats and Steve’s not above eating whatever he can get if for no other reason than the baby needs the nutrition. As he turns down the alley, a voice catches his attention.

“Excuse me, young man!” He turns back to see a lovely older woman. She looks at him so kindly that he almost gives in and answer, but he stops himself. He’s learned a lot being on the streets for four months. Keep your head down and don’t make eye contact with anyone you don’t know really well. He’s run into people from the neighborhood, but tries to stay out of that area. He doesn’t want anyone calling CPS on him. “I don’t want anything, I just thought you might want my take away.”

That makes Steve turn. “Why? No one gives anything away for free.” That’s another hard lesson he’s learned being on the streets. Don’t take anything offered freely. 

“Yes, I suppose that’s true.” She seems to be thinking and he notices that she’s blond like his Ma. “How about this then, I’ll give you my take away, if you tell me your name.” Steve starts to speak, but she stops him. “Your full name.”

The baby flutters and Steve’s sure, like him, that the little one is hungry. That makes the decision for him. “Steven Grant Rogers, ma’am.” He’d been cold in his  responses before, but if this lady is going to allow his baby to have food tonight, he can dig out those manners that his Ma taught him. 

Smiling, she holds out the bag. “I’m Maria Stark, Steven, and it’s very nice to meet you.” As he reaches for the bag, the quilt falls from his shoulders and she sees his stomach. He backs away knowing that she’s going to recoil in horror and take her food back. Too many times the people he’s run into have seen the obvious baby bump because of his small size and looked at him like the freak he knows himself to be. “Sweetheart, you need to be off the streets.”

“Yeah well, I don’t have anywhere to go.” He turns to leave. His stomach growls because he can smell the food now. His head gets light and he reaches for the building to hold himself steady. 

“You do now.” Steve turns in confusion. “Come home with me. And before you ask, I don’t want anything from you, I just want you and the baby safe.” For the first time in months, someone looks at him with kindness.

“I can get by on my own.” Something in Steve feels like it’s breaking, something important, something fundamental. He’s becoming what his mother never wanted, he’s becoming hard and all this lady is trying to do is help.

She comes to him, handing him the bag of take away. “The thing is  Steven, you don’t have to.” She looks at him pleadingly. “Please let me help.”

He doesn’t know why he trusts her, but nodding, she leads him to a car, a very nice car with a man standing at the back door to open it for them. “Ma’am, I don’t think that I should get in there. It’s too nice.”

Maria Stark laughs, delightedly. “Steven, you are going to be so fun to get to know.” The ride to wherever he’s being taken is long and Maria opens the take away and they eat and talk. He finds out that she’s very smart and seems to be some kind of scientist. “So, I told him that if he wanted to blow up the lab that was fine, but I was going shopping and wouldn’t be there to put him out if he caught on fire.”

Steve snorts as he takes another of the egg rolls. “Are you sure you don’t mind me eating your dinner?”

“Oh sweetheart, this wasn’t my dinner. This is for my son and there was too much to begin with.” She watches him eat the food. “You should probably not eat too much since I suspect it’s been a few days, at least. I don’t want you to make yourself sick.” He doesn’t really know how to take her or how he ended up in this situation, but he likes her. The kindness isn’t just in her eyes, but all over her face. Laugh lines meaning that she spends more time smiling and happy. 

“Why haven’t you asked me any questions?” It seems odd that she keeps talking and never makes him. 

“Well, I assume that you’ll tell me what you want me to know. I won’t push you, but I hope you learn that I don’t want to hurt you or that baby. I just want you safe.” She seems so sincere, but Steve doesn’t know if he can trust that yet.

“I’m a freak.” He mostly mumbles the words, but she’s sharp and hears him.

Maria turns in her seat, looking at Steve curiously. “When I was a girl, so many, many years ago, I was smarter than all the boys in my class. Truth is, I was smarter than the teacher too. For years, I kept my mouth shut so that no one would know and my grandfather told me to stop hiding what I am behind a pretty face.”

Steve watches the way her eyes glaze over. “What happened?”

“Well, I didn’t have any friends and I never got asked out and I was lonely.” She looks over smiling. “My grandfather paid for me to go to college and I met a boy there that thought he was...shall we say...very special and all the girls fell all over him.” She looks over winking. “I hated him on principal.” Steve chuckles. “We ended up in the same class and he wanted to prove how smart he was, so he offered to solve an equation for the professor and he got it wrong.” Her eyes sparkle with her joy. “I couldn’t help but laugh at him and he challenged me to prove I deserved to be in the class. I went up to the board and erased his mess and fixed it.”

“What happened then?” Steve’s invested in her story now.

“Well, he began to pursue me and I didn’t know what to do about that.” Steve looks at her for the end of the story. “Steven, I did the worst thing I could possibly do.”

“What did you do?”

“I married him.” The driver giggles at that too and Steve belly laughs. “It’s so good to hear you laugh, angel.” Steve looks up and starts to cry. The grief of his life, recently, overwhelms him and Steve couldn’t stop the tears if he wanted to. No one has been nice to him except his mother and this wonderful woman. “You are not any more of a freak than I was. This is how you were made, so this is how you were meant to be. You get to do something that no man has ever done, you get to bring life into this world. Never let anyone tell you different. You’re a miracle Steven Grant Rogers and wherever your mother is, I know she thinks the same.” And that’s the moment that Steve lets himself crack open and feel.

“Ma was murdered.” He sobs into Maria’s coat and she holds him close.

“ Oh, my sweet, sweet, boy.

Maria Stark lives in a house that Steve couldn’t even dream up. It’s a mansion, but when they walk in, it looks like a home. “Wow.”

“Yes, well, it’s home. Now, I’m going to take you up to what will be your room and while you shower, I’ll find some of Tony’s old clothes for you to wear.” She takes his hand and leads him up the grand staircase and Steve looks at the pictures on the wall as they go. It’s Maria in all stages of her life, a man that has, what appears to be, an arrogant look on his face, but his eyes shine and a boy, also in the different stages of his life. “Oh, that’s Tony. He’s 20 now and working on his third master’s degree at MIT.”

“He’s not going to be mad because I’m here,  is he?” Steve doesn’t want to get in the way of family and tries to convey that to Maria.

She hugs him outside of a door. “My dear, he’s going to be thrilled to have someone else here. He always wanted a younger sibling and now he has one.”

Steve stands shocked at that. “Wait...you...but I’m...”

“Steve, when I said I wanted to help you, I meant in a permanent way, not for a night or a week or a month, but this is where you live now.” She pushes the door open and guides him into the room. “The bathroom is there. It’s fully stocked and when you’re in better health well see what we can do about personalizing the space for you. Howard and I are up on the next floor, so you and Tony have the run of this one.” Steve just keeps staring at her like he couldn’t have heard her right. “Now, go shower and I’ll bring some clothes in and leave them on the bed for you, then come downstairs to the kitchen and I’ll have something for you to eat.” She’s gone before Steve can make words form.

Steve looks around and makes his way into the bathroom. Turning the light on, he gasps. He’s pretty sure the bathroom is bigger than his and his Ma’s apartment. “Holy shit.” 

The shower is heaven and Steve stays in longer than he probably should, but he can’t help it because of how good the warm water feels. When he steps into the bedroom, the clothes he was wearing and the quilt are gone. He panics because it’s one of the only things he has from his mother. On the bed, on top of the clothes, is a note.

_ ‘Steven, I took the quilt to be washed. It will be done in about an hour and you’ll have it back safe and sound. It looks like something important and I wanted you to have it to sleep with later. Maria’ _

He slips the clothes on and feels how soft the sweat pants and tee shirt are. Collapsing to the floor, Steve starts to cry. The night his  ma was killed, he didn’t take the time to grieve for her and this woman, that he doesn’t know, recognizes the importance of the only thing besides a few pictures that Steve has left. The tears don’t stop and he’s sobbing to the point that he doesn’t hear the door open. Suddenly, he’s being pulled into a lap and cradled against a chest that isn’t Maria.

There’s a soft voice talking and Steve tries to concentrate so he can figure out what it’s saying and who it belongs to. “It’s alright. Everything’s going to be okay now. Mom’s going to make sure you’re taken care of.”

Steve leans away and an attractive boy is holding him. When he leans back far enough, the boy sees his stomach. He looks curious, but not horrified. “Who are you?”

“I’m Tony and you’re wearing my clothes.” Tony Stark becomes a friend and then he becomes a brother. When he’s around anyone else, he’s abrasive, but when he’s around Steve, he’s soft and kind. They grow closer as the days go by because Steve starts having nightmares. Tony hears him through the walls and comes running the first night. It becomes a habit that when the nightmares happen, Tony crawls in bed with Steve and holds onto the kid until it passes. 

Howard Stark is gruff, but when he sees how Maria and Tony are with the boy, he softens too. He brings in one of the finest doctors on the East Coast and has Steve checked over. That’s when they find out about the twins. 

Steve panics again because he doesn’t know how he’s going to take care of two babies. Maria sooths him and Howard talks with Mr. Jarvis’s wife and it’s decided that she will help. The couple that works for the Stark family have been entrusted with more secrets than Steve would ever know. He quickly grows very fond of Ana Jarvis and finds out that she could never have kids, so being here with Tony and now Steve is a dream for her. The idea that there are going to be babies thrills her even more. She begins sewing blankets and clothes for the girls.

By the time Steve goes into labor, Howard has officially adopted him, but Steve keeps the last name Rogers in honor of his mother. The adoption is kept secret, but Steve falls in love with the whole family. Private tutors are hired and Steve makes up the lost time he suffered from being on the streets and continues his education at home so he can be with his girls. 

When the girls are born, everyone has an idea for names. Being as small as he is, the babies are small too, but healthy in a way that Steve wasn’t as a child. He holds them, one in each arm, and looks down into faces that remind him of himself and his mother. They are little, delicate, but beautiful. He’s very happy that he didn’t terminate the pregnancy.

Jacklyn and Elana Rogers are perfect in every way and by the time they are six months old Steve knows that he’ll never love anything like he loves them. Not having had a father until Howard, Steve promises them that he’ll be the best father ever. Even at only 15, he keeps that promise. The family wants Steve to have every advantage and he accepts it gratefully because they are his family now, but he also wants to be with the girls all the time. 

Maria teaches Steve about music and cooking; and he teaches her some of his mother’s recipes, Howard teaches him about being a good man and Tony teaches him to smile and laugh. Howard keeps everything confidential and Steve and the girls are kept protected from anyone that comes into the house. By Steve’s 18 th birthday, he hits a growth spurt and begins the transform into what he is now.

Maria and Howard die in a car accident when Steve is 29. He, Tony, and the girls are devastated, but also remember every lesson their parents and grandparents ever taught them. Mr. and Mrs. Jarvis still lived at the mansion, but it’s more theirs now than Steve and Tony’s. Tony made sure they have their own staff now and he makes sure that they are taken care of in every way. 

When Mr. and Mrs. Jarvis pass, Steve and Tony talk about selling the mansion, but neither one can part with it because it’s home. To the present day, it’s still filled with their life before, pictures of them at different stages of life, the girls baby pictures and as they grew, Howard running across the lawn with two little girls chasing him, Maria with two little girls and their Daddy in the kitchen, Steve and Tony, arms around each other at Christmas, and Steve holding his daughters for the first time. It’s still home and they won’t part with that.


	11. Chapter 11

Present

When he finishes talking, he looks up at Bucky. “My life changed the day that Maria found me. My Ma loved me fiercely, but when she was  killed, I knew I’d be put into foster care and I didn’t know what they would do with the babies. I couldn’t...I mean I know how they came to be, but it wasn’t their fault and I couldn’t blame them. Then when they started moving, they became mine.” Steve finally sees that Bucky is crying and misunderstands the tears. “I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me now, but if you could...I don’t know...keep this secret, not for me, but for the girls.”

In all of his life, Bucky never thought he could love the way he does in this moment. Steve isn’t just beautiful, inside and out, but he’s everything Bucky could ever want because he’s perfect. Now the actor understands that nothing he’s felt before now was even close to what love really is. Getting off the sofa, he goes to Steve, offering a hand. Steve takes it tentatively, looking searchingly into Bucky’s eyes as Bucky pulls him to his feet.

Bucky huffs, looking at the ground. “I didn’t have time to get you a Christmas gift this year, so I hope you don’t mind if I give you something really personal considering how special your gift to me is.”

Steve looks at him confused. “I don’t...what do you want to give me?”

Reaching up, he traces the tear tracks on Steve’s face that he’s sure  match his own and feels how Steve shivers under his touch. Bucky gets it now. “My heart.” All of the trepidation that lived in Steve’s eyes while talking melts away when he realizes what Bucky means. Bucky smiles gently at him. 

Their first kiss happens in the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree and Bucky feels how Steve fits against him. It’s like they were meant to be and for Bucky, something long thought missing clicks into place. Steve is his other half, like he’s always been, but now Bucky sees all of him. Of course, over the years he’s known that there was something Steve wasn’t telling him, but friends don’t push each other until one is ready to tell the other. Now that he understands all of Steve, he’s not afraid of his feelings anymore.

Steve trusts him. That is what’s important and Bucky trusts Steve and has for years.

Pulling away, just far enough to see Bucky’s face. “I didn’t know what to get you this year.” Bucky beams at him and Steve blushes. “So, I guess...the album, Bucky, it’s all for you.”

Understanding dawns on Bucky’s face. It wasn’t Bruce or some other faceless man, it was him. “How long, Steve?”

Steve shuffles from foot to foot, not wanting to tell his friend the truth, but knowing he needs to. “Uh...since 2015, since the night of Natasha’s Christmas party.” Bucky is stunned. “I knew that I was attracted to you before that, but you walked in that night and it  kinda hit me that I was an idiot.”

Bucky draws him to the sofa, sitting, he pulls Steve down too. “Do the girls know?”

There’s a quiet chuckle. “Yeah, they know.” Steve leans into the warmth that is Bucky and the actor pulls him close. “Tony, Pepper, Happy, they all know. Even Bruce knows.”

“Steve?” There’s no response. “Steve, please looks at me.” Those blue eyes finally turn and lock onto Bucky’s. “I love you. I realized when I heard the album and it’s been an uphill battle with trying to reconcile that I’m in love with you, but I am. I want to be with you in every way, but I only want that if you want it too.”

Steve reaches over, cupping Bucky’s face gently. “Yeah Buck, I want that, just didn’t think I’d ever get it. Are you sure you want this? Are you sure you want me?”

The endearment slips out without Bucky trying to stop it. “Baby, I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”

Natasha calls the morning of the 24 th and invites Bucky to spend Christmas with her. He turns her down. She tries to get him to tell her where he is, but Bucky hangs up and rolls back over to pull Steve against him. The night before, Steve shyly welcomed Bucky into his bed, but Bucky wasn’t ready for anything more than the kissing and cuddling that happened. Steve was okay with that because the other bombshell that he drops on his best friend is that he hasn’t been with anyone since the night the girls were conceived.

Bucky’s always been in control of that part of himself, never pushing where it wasn’t welcome, never losing himself to another person’s body, but the knowledge that Steve’s never been with anyone willingly has him throwing the covers off and pacing the bedroom. He looks over at Steve, who seems confused by Bucky sudden departure from the bed. “You gotta understand, baby, knowing that makes me...fuck...I think I’m a horrible person.”

Steve sits up, pulling his legs up and crossing his arms over them. Resting his chin on his arms, he smiles at Bucky. “You’re not a horrible person, Buck. It doesn’t make you horrible to be turned on by the fact that I didn’t want to be with anyone else after that. Plus, I didn’t want anyone to find out. At the time and up until my mid 20’s I thought of myself as a freak.”

Bucky slides back into the bed and snuggles close to Steve. “I don’t think you’re a freak and you never should have believed that about yourself.”

“Yeah, well...I’m a man that has a vagina and can get pregnant. Not really much else I could think about myself.” Steve doesn’t believe that anymore, but letting someone get close enough to reveal that about himself was never something he wanted, until Bucky.

“I think that makes you a miracle.” Bucky kisses Steve’s shoulder and takes in how he smells, how he feels and maybe it’s just Steve, maybe there’s a part of Bucky that’s always been this way, but being this close to his best friend makes Bucky think about things that he’s never considered. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, you can ask anything.” Steve thinks Bucky has questions about everything they’ve talked about.

“When you think about me, you know, romantically, what kind of relationship did you picture?” Steve looks over and sees the blush running down Bucky’s chest.

“Buck?” Steve furrows his brow, trying to understand what he’s being asked.

“I just mean...did you see us...together or did you see us  _ together _ together ?” The more he talks, the redder Bucky gets.

“I’m still not really sure what you’re asking, but in case you’re asking what I think, I saw us...shit...you don’t want me to say this, Buck. Hell, I don’t want to scare you by telling you what I pictured.” Bucky grins and nudges Steve’s shoulder and leaning in for a kiss. “Fine, you want to know, so you don’t get to run away screaming when I tell you. I pictured us physically together. I pictured us married. I pictured us growing old together.”

“Oh yeah?” Steve nods, then Bucky cups his cheek and lowers Steve into the pillows. “That should probably terrify me, huh?” Steve nods, but then gets pulled back into the orbit of the man he loves and lips that he’s dreamed about kissing. 

Bucky doesn’t leave Steve’s and Natasha keeps calling to invite him over for different parties and each time he declines. He should have known that she wasn’t going to take that lying down, so when the alarm goes off downstairs, Steve comes out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel and Bucky almost forgets about the alarm because the man has a body that just doesn’t quit. He thinks about the picture that still on his phone from a few years ago. Steve picks up his phone on the way to the control panel. The phone starts ringing before he even gets there. 

Bucky is trying to figure out what’s going on as Steve answers the phone. “No, I don’t know what it is, Tony. I was in the shower.” He stops at the panel and brings up the video, seeing Natasha. “It’s Bucky’s agent.” Bucky comes over, watching as Natasha tries to do something with the scanner downstairs. Steve looks over at Bucky and blushes. “No Tony, I was in the shower alone.”

Bucky sniggers. “What did she do?”

Steve puts Tony on speaker and the billionaire is yelling. “She tried to override the scanner. So, you either let her in and I call off the police or you let the police drag her away.”

Bucky’s fuming as Steve pushes the code to let her into the building. “You should just let the police cart her off. Serves her right.” 

Steve watches her come into the building and looks around. He presses the intercom. “Take the freight elevator to the upper floor. But do me a favor and don’t press anything you shouldn’t or I’ll let the police deal with you.”

She looks up at the camera in the corner of the elevator. “You wouldn’t do that, Rogers. Barnes would never forgive you.”

Bucky presses the button again, so she can hear him. “I told him to let the police take you this time. The only reason you aren’t being arrested is because Steve is nicer than me.”

Steve goes to put on clothes as she’s lifting the gate on the elevator. She watches him, very interested in his undressed state. Bucky steps in front of her. “Well, isn’t this cozy?”

“Don’t!” She looks up at him. “Just don’t!” Bucky’s never considered leaving Natasha’s agency, but in the moment, it’s a close call. She looks at his face and sees emotions that have never been in his eyes. Bucky is fuming. “You do not get to come in here and cheapen who Steve is!”

The door to the other apartments opens and the girls come barreling in, seeing Natasha, they go to Bucky, flanking him. “Bucky, what’s going on?”

Steve comes from the bedroom, toweling his hair. “It seems that Ms. Romanov tried to break in to see her client.”

Natasha starts to speak as the elevator starts again. Tony, Pepper, and Happy come in and all of them look ready to murder someone. “Well, well, well, Ms. Romanov, it seems that you just don’t know when to back off.”

Steve hangs his head and knows this whole thing is going to go south if he doesn’t do something quick. “Who wants coffee? I’m making breakfast.” He heads into the kitchen and everyone looks after him like he’s lost his mind. 

Bucky follows and holds his hand out for everyone else to stay where they are. They aren’t hidden, so the group can see them, but can’t hear what’s being said. Elle and Jackie watch as Bucky slips his arms around their dad and pull him into a hug. Steve pulls back, whispering something and Bucky leans in, kissing him lightly. The only one surprised is Natasha. “What the fuck is this?”

Elle looks at the woman that made her dad feel like crap a few years back. “What’s happening is you intruded on family.” The girls head into the kitchen and hug the man that gave them life and the man that gave their dad life.

Natasha sits at the bar and watches the whole group get into the kitchen and start cooking. Steve tells everyone what to do and they don’t question him. By the time the food is on the table and everyone is filling their plates, she’s had enough and needs answers. Looking over at Bucky, he’s grinning at Steve, who’s blushing. Leaning in, he gives the blond musician three quick pecks. “Someone want to tell me what’s going on because what I’m seeing is a career ender for my client.”

Tony barks a laugh and Pepper smirks, turning to the red-head. “It seems to me that if you think Steve and Bucky’s relationship will end an acting career then you deal with the wrong kind of people.” Tony leans over, kissing Pepper’s cheek.

Bucky finally smiles over at his agent. “Natasha, I’m in love with Steve and you can either get behind me on this or you can lose me as a client. Steve’s worth more than my career.” She starts to speak, but he puts up his hand. “Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and want to keep doing it, but I won’t be put in a position where you tell me I have to choose. Steve wins.” He looks back at his love. “Steve always wins.”

She pulls out her phone, calling someone. “Yeah Clint, it’s me. We have a situation and it’s going to have to be handled carefully.” She listens to Bucky’s publicist. “No, you were right, he is here and he and Steve are together.” There’s a whoop on the other end of the phone and Natasha rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, you were right.”

Clint joins them an hour later and eats what’s left of breakfast. “Holy shit man! Do you cook like this all the time?”

Steve snorts and hands Clint another cup of coffee. “Yeah, I do.”

Clint looks over at Bucky and uses his fork to emphasize his point. “Marry this man.”

Bucky looks over at Steve and winks. “I plan on it.”

Natasha puts up her hands in defeat. “Okay, we have to start by going on the offensive. I don’t want to have to defend you after the fact, I want to protect you up front.”

Bucky takes Steve’s hand, kissing it and reaching up to caress his cheek. “Listen, I know that you want me to have a thriving career.” He looks back at Natasha. “But I don’t need protection from loving Steve.”

She shakes her head. “That’s not what I mean. You have contracts with studios and I want to make sure they honor them. If this becomes a situation where they start acting homophobic, I need your permission to sue them for everything they’ve got.” Steve seems stunned by that. “What, Rogers?”

“Well, you came across that way...”

She stops him. “I came across that way because I thought it was a  one-way attraction. I didn’t know Bucky felt the same. Believe it or not, I want him to be happy and what I’m seeing right now...well...he’s never been this happy.”

They talk for several more hours and by the time everyone leaves, Steve’s feeling pretty good and Bucky is still a little shocked. Steve draws him into the bed and they cuddle up. “I think we both deserve a nap after that.”

Bucky leans up on his elbow, looking down at the beautiful man he fell in love with. “I think, if you want to, that maybe we should do something to tire ourselves out.”

Steve blushes, but grins up at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, but only if you’re comfortable with that.” Knowing about Steve’s past makes Bucky very careful with what they do and if they do this, for the first time, he needs Steve to really want it and to be completely okay with it.

Steve pulls his t-shirt over his head and wiggles out of his sweat pants. Bucky sees everything that makes up the man he loves and he’s gorgeous. They’ve talked about Steve’s anatomy before, in an almost clinical way. Steve even put Bucky on the phone with Bruce to clarify certain things. So, he’s not surprised by what he sees, but he is turned on in a way he wasn’t expecting.

“Bucky?” Bucky meets Steve’s eyes and the blond sees the arousal.

“You’re incredible.” Steve smiles, but blushes again. Bucky gets out of the bed and strips himself bare. 

When he lays back down, still propped up on an elbow, Steve reaches out, touching Bucky’s chest and running his hand down the actor’s arm to interlace their fingers. “I love you, Buck.”

“I love you too, Stevie.”

Steve’s first time, willingly having sex, is not what he expected. Because of his only other experience, he’s expecting it...rougher, but Bucky isn’t like that. He gives as much to Steve as he takes from him. He touches Steve so tenderly that the blond thinks he might pass out. This is what it’s supposed to feel like when two people love each other. As careful as Bucky is, when Steve comes, he clings to the other man, hanging on to the only other person that makes sense to him. He can feel Bucky’s friendship, his love, his devotion to everything that is Steve Rogers.

Steve watches Bucky after and the man is lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He hasn’t blinked in a while and Steve starts to get nervous that he’s regretting what they just did. Just as he’s about to speak, Bucky flops his head over to look at Steve. “Marry me.”

Steve lets out a breath that he didn’t know he’d been holding. “I thought...you seemed...did you just ask me to marry you?”

Bucky grins that same shit eating grin that Steve’s loved for years. “Yeah, I did.” Rolling over onto his side, Bucky snuggles up in Steve’s warmth. “What did you think?”

“I thought you regretted it. I guess I thought that you...that maybe it was not...that you realized you didn’t want to be with a man.” Steve’s embarrassed, but can’t help the flash of uncertainty.

“Steven Grant Rogers, I’ve had sex with...well, a lot of people, but nothing compares to what just happened.” He looks up into the blonde’s eyes. “I’ve never, not once over the years, made love to someone.” Steve smiles and it’s a beautiful thing to watch. “Now, I seem to remember putting an idea out there. What do you think, Mr. Rogers, you think you could stand to live the rest of your life waking up next to me?”

“You’re serious?” Steve can’t believe that Bucky would be so sure. He’s sure, has been sure for years, but they’ve only been together for a week and here his best friend is asking to make it permanent. 

Bucky kisses Steve’s chest. “I’m completely serious and I know what you’re thinking, but when it’s right, when it’s this big and good, why wouldn’t I want to grab hold and never let go.” Sitting up, the covers fall below his waist and Steve looks at the perfection that is the love of his life.

“Okay.” It’s said tentatively.

“Okay?” Bucky grins and Steve can’t help the responding one that appears on his face. He’s still disbelieving at what Bucky’s asking. “Be sure because we do this and I’m never letting you go.”

Steve sits up, wrapping himself about Bucky. “Please don’t ever let me go.”

“I’m going to count that as a yes.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything from here is all present day.

The wedding of Steven Grant Rogers and James Buchannan Barnes is an event that fans the world over are foaming at the mouth trying to get information on. It’s planned for the winter and held at the mansion of Steve and Tony’s parents. Pepper plans the whole thing because she’s the most organized and has better taste than anyone else they know. The girls have plenty of opinions on everything from flowers to cake flavors. When the time comes, they go with the two men to pick out tuxes and dresses for themselves. “Dad, you have very good taste, but when you marry Bucky, we want him to get weak in the knees.”

“Oh good, my two step-daughters want me to pass out on my wedding day. Nice to know you care so much.” Elle giggles and kisses him and Jackie grabs Steve’s arm because he’s in shock at Bucky’s words. The girls will be Bucky’s too.

“Bucky, you’ve been part of the family for years, you just didn’t understand to what extent.” Jackie kisses his cheek. “That being the case, Elle and I decided you might be a little slow and need all the help you can get.”

Bucky freezes, stunned, then runs around Jackie who took off almost immediately after insulting her future step-father. “You heathen!” Steve stands on the sidewalk outside the tailor and laughs until he cries. Bucky does catch Jackie, grabbing her around the middle and swinging her up into his arms, carrying her back to her sister and Dad. “Steven, we are going to have to talk about these girls and their manners.” 

Elle walks up and blows a raspberry on his cheek. “You know you love us.” He carries Jackie all the way into the store and Steve just follows shaking his head. He’s never, in all of his life, been this happy.

The day of the wedding, Steve stands in front of the mirror in the bedroom that was his. He looks over at the ring box sitting on the bedside table and smiles. When the door opens, Tony comes in looking exhausted because he’s been up since five. Tony doesn’t do mornings well, but Pepper wanted him up, so he got up. “You look pretty good.”

Steve smirks. “Just pretty good?”

Tony comes over, pulling Steve into a hug. “Mom, Dad, and Sarah would be really proud of you today. They’d love seeing you this happy.”

“Are you proud of me, Tony?” The question seems to surprise his brother and Tony sees that little guy that he found crying on the bedroom floor all those years ago.

“Yeah Steve, but I’ve always been proud of you.” They hug again and Steve goes to get the ring box. 

Bucky is put in what was Tony’s old room down the hallway from Steve. He didn’t sleep well because he wasn’t with Steve, but the girls had insisted that they needed to conform to some of the traditions. The door opens and the girls are standing there looking at him, grinning. “You look damn good.”

The girls wear dark blue. “You two look beautiful.” They come over, looking in the mirror at all three of their reflections. “How’s your dad?”

“We sent Uncle Tony to check on him.” They draw him over to the bed and sit down on the end with him. “We wanted to talk to you about something.”

“It’s  kinda late for the shovel talk, you  know that right?” They laugh, but Bucky can tell whatever it is, they think it’s serious. “What’s going on?”

Jackie nods at Elle and Elle nods back because they never did decide who was going to have this talk with Bucky. Elle finally huffs and glares at her sister. “Bucky we were just wondering how you would feel if...if we...if we called you something other than Bucky.”

He’s confused and has no idea what they’re talking about. “Ooookayyyy, like what?”

Jackie looks down at her hands and then reaches out for his. “Like Papa?”

Bucky can’t help the hitch in his breath. He loves these girls like they are his own and they’ve never been anything except loving and affectionate, but to ask for this, for something that really makes him feel like part of them belongs to him, is more than he expected. Nodding, he tries to get the words out, but he’s pretty choked up by this request. So, he nods again and clears his throat. “Yeah...yeah, I’d like that.”

Jackie stands, pulling Bucky up with her. “Okay then, Papa, let’s go get you and Dad hitched.”

“NO! Now you said the likelihood of this happening again was next to nothing, Bruce!” Steve’s pacing the doctor’s office and glaring at Bruce, shaking his finger at the doctor.

“No Steve, I said that the percentage was low, but that it could still be a possibility and you needed to keep that in mind and obviously you didn’t.” Bruce just seems way too amused by this and Steve doesn’t know how he’s going to handle this.

“What the fuck am I going to do?” Bruce pulls several pamphlets from his desk. Steve sees the top one and glares even harder. “No! That’s not an option.” Bruce suspected that anyway and slides the one on top back into the desk.

Bruce takes his glasses off, sitting them on the desk. “You need to sit down with your husband and talk this through. He has the right to be included in any of the decisions you make.” Steve nods and heads out the door and home. He doesn’t even remember the ride home.

Bucky isn’t home, he’s out with Natasha having lunch and the girls are in London with Pepper and Tony. Steve sits down to work on a couple of new songs, but finds that he can’t focus because his mind keeps running back over everything Bruce told him. His mind has drifted when the door opens and Bucky comes in, smiling. He sees Steve’s face though and comes over to pull the man into a hug. “Steve, Baby, what’s going on?” He knows that Steve went to see Bruce because he’s not feeling well, but this looks bad, like  worst case scenario bad. “What did Bruce say?”

Steve looks over and sighs. “He said...they ran a test...and it’s....”

Bucky pulls him into a hug. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together.”

“I’m pregnant, Buck.” Tears have gathered in Steve’s eyes and Bucky wipes them away before what  Steve just said hits him.

Bucky laughs, but Steve’s face doesn’t break into a smile like he expects from this joke. “Are you serious?”

Steve just nods because he can’t speak. Bucky’s been incredible with everything that is Steve Rogers, but this...this may be the thing that scares him away. Steve watches with fear in his eyes as Bucky paced the living room. Before, with the girls, he was kept at the mansion with no one aware of his condition. He’s famous now though and he can’t go anywhere without people knowing who he is. If he disappears, people will start to talk, people will start to look, and it could get ugly and painful for Bucky and the girls. That thought hits him the hardest and Steve stops holding back the tears. He sits back down heavily on the piano stool.

Bucky is kneeling in front of him before the first of the tears can drop from his eyes. “Steve?” Bucky reaches up, brushing Steve’s hair off of his forehead. “Baby, if you don’t want this...I mean...we can...”

Before Bucky can finish that thought, Steve breaks in. “I want this, I want this so much, but it’s going to get complicated for us and the girls. I don’t want anyone hurting the three of you.”

Bucky takes Steve’s hands that have started to wildly wave around, holding them steady in his own, looks up, teary eyed, but grinning. “Steve...Baby, the man that I love, that I married, that is my best friend, is pregnant with my baby and yes, it’s weird to say that, but you are everything, and we will deal with anything that comes at us like we always have.”

When Bucky and Steve’s relationship came out, carefully crafted by Natasha, Clint, Tony, and Pepper, things weren’t smooth. Bucky did talk shows connected to his movie and always got the questions about Steve. He finally told the three in charge of press for him and Steve to stuff it and put his own statement out on social media. It went viral because Bucky didn’t hold anything back. 

He explained that he loved his best friend and wanted to spend his life with him. He explained that he didn’t realize his feelings until he heard the new album. He explained that Steve Rogers and his girls were the best people he’d ever known and was lucky enough to call them family. He explained that he didn’t really care if people decided to not be his fans anymore because he had better people in his life for that. He explained that Steve Rogers was not a target and didn’t turn him gay. Steve Rogers was the love of his life and everyone that didn’t like that could fuck off.

The night that statement hit social media, Steve pushed Bucky into the bedroom and gave the actor a night that he will never forget. 

The following morning Tony burst through the door, so to speak, to shakes hands with the man that stood up for his brother, but instead got an eyeful of things he didn’t want to see. He left quickly and ran into the girls coming back from breakfast. When they saw their uncle’s face, they knew. “Oh, Uncle Tony, you never, ever want to just walk in. Those two are like rabbits.” Tony’s never been so mortified in his life. His nieces just laugh and hug him. 

Now, Bucky looks up into the face of the man he loves, the man he married, and he’s suddenly struck by a thought. “Steve, will the girls be okay with this?” Steve watery eyes looks at his husband confused. “I mean, will they be okay with having a little brother or sister.” Saying that out loud makes Bucky flush in an unexpected way. “Jesus...I...it never occurred to me...shit Steve, we’re going to have a baby.” 

Before Steve can respond, he’s being pulled into a hug so tight, so warm, so full of love that he starts to laugh. “Yeah, we are and I don’t know how they will react.”

Later that night, over a special dinner, Elle and Jackie watch their parents and know that something’s going on. Elle is the first to break. “Okay, what the hell is going on? You two keep looking at each other with that look and it’s freakin us out.”

“What look is that, sweetheart?” Bucky’s taken to being a steady presence in the girls’ lives like he’s always been there and considering how long he’s known them, it’s not a hard adjustment for any of them.

Jackie snorts. “Well Papa, it’s the same look that Elle and I get when Dad says we’re having a mental conversation, so it would be nice if you didn’t freak your kids out.”

Bucky smirks and looks over at Steve, nodding at the girls. Steve clears his throat and looks over at his babies, his girls, his and Bucky’s girls now. “I went to see Bruce this morning and we have something we need to tell you and make sure that you’re okay with it.”

Elle looks at Jackie, then at her Dad, then at her Papa. Jackie does the same and then the girls looks back at each other and grin. Before anyone can say anything else, the girls are up out of their chairs, squealing and jumping around. At 25, Steve always made sure they knew that expressing their emotions was safe, but this is a little surprising. They finally stop and run to Steve, hugging him and kissing him all over his face. “When are you due?”

It shocks both men into silence for a minute. “How? How did you...”

Elle stands, putting her hands on her hips, making Bucky snort at how much these two are like Steve. “You’ve been sick for like a month and Papa has been looking at you like you’re the moon and stars.” She looks over at Bucky. “Which is normal, but there’s something a little  _ more _ in the look now. It just stands to reason.”

Steve gets up, looking closely at his babies. “So, you’re both okay with this?”

There’s more squealing, more hugging, and Steve relaxes into the warmth and love of these people. Bucky watches him with a look so soft, so devoted that Steve thinks this might be the best life has to offer.


	13. Chapter 13

When Steve gets to about four months, give or take, they move back to the mansion. It’s private and he needs that because he doesn’t want his life, Bucky’s life, or the girls’ lives to turn into a circus. It does mean telling a few more people about his situation. He’s been posting to social media that he’s working on a new album and when the girls post pictures of him, they are always strategically taken from angles that obscure anything below the waist. Bucky does press for his movie that takes him away for almost a month. By the time he gets home, Steve has gone from barely showing to a nice round baby bump. 

They set their plan in motion when Steve is just over six months, but also keep to themselves as much as possible. They have more family dinners because Steve feels like he needs to be around everyone that he loves as much as possible. Bruce explains to everyone that his hormones are a little different this time when Tony comments that he’s clingier than the first time. “He’s older now, Tony, and that means that his hormones aren’t the same. If he wants you to come to dinner three times a week, you do it. If he wants you here every night, you do it.”

Tony rolls his eyes and looks over at Steve. “You’re a pain in the ass and it’s a good thing I love you.”

Bucky snorts. “Nice to have you on board, Uncle Tony.”

The real surprise for Bucky is when he comes home from the press tour, Steve won’t let him alone, not that Bucky wants him too, but he’s near insatiable now. Bucky climbs in the shower and no matter how soundly Steve may have been sleeping, he’s got strong arms slipping around his waist. Bucky comes to bed after a long conference call with Natasha and Steve’s sitting up, straddling his thighs.

“Baby, are you sure you’re okay for this.” Steve kisses Bucky so sensual that he forgets what he asked and lets Steve do whatever he wants. Looking up into Steve’s eyes, he sees love, but also intense arousal. “Jesus Steve.”

So, at just over six months it’s decided that a family dinner is in order and between Steve, Tony, and Happy, they fix a meal fit for a king. When Natasha and Clint arrive, everyone is already there.

Clint whistles when they are let in by Pepper. “Damn Stark, this place is huge.”

Natasha looks around and sees all of the touches that make it a home and not the cold environment she anticipated. They’re led into the living room and she takes note of the pictures. Tony went through earlier in the day and removed the ones that he thought might start the questions before Steve and Bucky were ready to reveal their news. 

Tony comes into the room wearing jeans and a t-shirt, smiling and relaxed. “Dinner’s going to be a little bit longer, so who wants something that’s adult friendly.”

Bucky comes down the stairs with the girls chattering about colors. “Oh...uh...I didn’t realize you were here.” 

Elle kisses his cheek and heads to the kitchen. “I’m going to go check on Dad.”

Jackie goes to the drink cart and grins over at Bucky. She fixes him a drink and brings it to him, also kissing his cheek and heading to the kitchen. He calls after her, “I don’t know why you two are going in there, you know you can’t cook.”

Jackie cackles. “We’re going to taste test everything and someday we’ll learn to cook!”

“Yeah right.” The others in the room just chuckle. Bucky hugs Natasha and Clint and can see the question in their eyes. “What?”

Natasha looks at him in that calculating way. “You have something to spring on us.”

And because Steve’s timing is just that good, he chooses that moment to walk into the room, baby bump front and center. Bucky looks at him adoringly, Natasha looks at him shocked, and Clint drops his glass on the carpet. “Uh...Steve...man...you look...uh...are you...”

Bucky snorts. “Clint, sit down before you hurt yourself.” 

“I think someone needs to tell us what the hell is going on.” Natasha doesn’t look  angry; she just looks lost and that isn’t something that Bucky is used to.

Steve shrugs. “Surprise, we’re having a baby.”

Bucky pulls Steve over to the sofa and has him sit while everyone in the room seems to be talking at once. When Steve looks like he wants to jump into the conversation and try to make someone, anyone listen, Bucky just smiles at him and kisses him. “Let them get all this out and then we can talk to them.” Steve nods and kisses Bucky again. Light kisses turn a little more intense and before long, the men are making out on the sofa.

There’s a snort. “You two do know that this is how Steve got this way, yes?” Steve looks up at his brother and grins. “You’re a shit, Steve.”

Steve knew that bringing Natasha and Clint into the fold concerning his condition would cause questions, but what he isn’t expecting is for them to be curious about his past. He didn’t really consider what Natasha might want to know, so when she looks over at the girls, he sees the lightbulb go off. “You had them.”

The statement hangs there and the girls looks at their dad. Steve smiles at them and feels Bucky squeeze his tight in support. “Yes, I did. It’s why you digging into my past was such an issue. No one outside of who’s in this room knows about that.”

“Well, Bruce isn’t here and he knows.” Pepper looks over as the front door opens and Bruce comes in rushing. 

“Sorry, sorry, I got caught up with a patient.” He hugs everyone, kissing Steve’s cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m good, tired a little, but good.” Bruce nods and goes to hug Bucky.

“You make sure he rests as soon as dinner is over.” Sitting in the seat next to Happy, Bruce looks up and realizes that other people are in the room that he doesn’t know. “Oh...uh....hi.”

Steve grins. “Dr. Bruce Banner, this is Natasha Romanov, Bucky’s agent and manager, and that’s Clint Barton, his publicist.” Bruce gives a wave and goes back to filling his plate. He doesn’t notice how Natasha seems to watch him carefully.

“So, you’re the doctor that had everyone thinking that you and Steve were together.” Again, it isn’t a question and she’s watching his reaction.

Bruce laughs and looks over at Steve. “Yeah, I did a pretty good job for a straight guy.”

Bucky barks out a laugh. “Fooled me.”

Natasha sits back, looking at the family dynamic. “Can you explain how this is possible?” She looks over at Steve. “Are  you transgender?”

Steve shakes his head, but Bruce takes over with the explanation. “Steve isn’t transgender, he’s intersexed.” Clint looks up confused and Bruce continues. “Steve was born with some male anatomy and some female.” Bruce starts eating and talking off handedly. “See most of the time, intersexed people aren’t able to conceive or impregnate, but Steve is a special case.” Bruce looks up and sees the whole table watching him. His focus goes to Steve, who nods for him to keep going. “Steve is able to get pregnant and carry a baby, which is obvious since Elle and Jackie are here, but he can’t impregnate anyone because he doesn’t...” Realizing that he’s probably saying more than Steve wants anyone to know, he stops.

Steve surprises everyone by speaking up. “I don’t have testicles, but I do have one ovary and a uterus.”

Clint raises his hand like he’s in school. “Uh...so do you have...” Before he can ask, Natasha smacks him in the head and the table chuckles.

Bucky looks over at Steve and his husband is blushing, but would like for all of this to be out so they don’t have to do this again. Bucky nods at him and Steve squeezes his hand, so he looks over at his agent and publicist. “Yes Clint, Steve does have a penis.” 

Clint’s eyes get wide. “Damn man, you have the best of both worlds!”

Steve cackles at that. “I think so too...now.”

Natasha zeros in on that. “You didn’t always feel this way.”

“No, I didn’t. I thought I was a freak.” Tony gets uncomfortable and Steve looks over at his brother.

“I hate when you say that. Mom told you over and over that you were meant to be this way.” Natasha looks over, narrowing her eyes.

“So, the rumors are true and you are a Stark.” Steve looks at Tony and Tony shrugs.

“Yes, I’ve been a Stark since I was 14.” Steve keeps talking and telling them how he came to be part of the Stark family and the more he talks, the more Clint looks at him in admiration and Natasha looks at him with respect. Something she’s never shown him before.

When he’s done talking, Clint gets up from his chair, coming over to Steve and waving his hand to get the blond on his feet. Once Steve’s standing, Clint hugs him. “You, my man, are more than amazing. You, my friend, are a  freakin miracle.”

Steve looks over at Natasha and knows that Bucky is watching her expectantly too. She clears her throat, not wanting them to know how much what she just heard affected her. “Steve, just like Clint said, you’re amazing. We’ll do whatever we have to do to keep you, Bucky, the girls, and this baby protected.” She looks over at Tony. “Is everyone in your family this special?”

Tony grins. “Yeah, they are.”

Oliver Anthony Barnes is born right on schedule at the mansion. Bruce delivers him and Bucky stares at him for hours afterwards while Steve sleeps. Elle and Jackie sit with Bucky in the bedroom talking quietly while Steve snores softly in the bed. “He’s really beautiful, Papa.” Elle really wants to ask about his name, but doesn’t know if they’ve decided yet.

Jackie decides to just ask because she and Elle want to know what to call their little brother. “Papa, what’s his name?”

Bucky looks up confused, then realizes that he and Steve never told anyone. “I’m sorry, we should have told you before now.” Holding the little boy up a little so they can see his face, he grins. “Elle, Jackie, this is your brother, Oliver Anthony Barnes.”

Oliver makes a small squeaky sound and Bucky starts to cry and laugh at the same time. By the time Steve wakes, Jackie is feeding the baby a bottle and Elle is looking over her shoulder. Steve sits up, smiling over at his girls and his son. “Jesus, we have a son.”

Bucky comes out of the bathroom dressed, but obviously showered and slides onto the bed next to Steve, gathering the blond into his  arms. “We do and he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Elle and Jackie look over. “Daddy, he’s perfect.”

“Just like my girls were all those years ago.” The girls get up and carefully get on the bed too. Steve reaches over, brushing his fingers through the dark curls on his son’s head.

The girls cuddle up with their Dad and Papa, Steve takes the baby to burp him when Tony walks in with Bruce and both men freeze just inside the door. Tony pulls out his phone, snapping a picture of the happy family. When he looks over at Bruce, the man looks close to tears. 

Tony elbows him and Bruce shakes himself out of the soft place he went to. “How are you feeling, Steve?”

Steve looks up grinning. “Sore, but otherwise good.”

Tony comes over, staring down at his new nephew and Steve knows that look. He remembers it from when the girls were born. Lifting the baby, Tony doesn’t even hesitate to take him. “He’s just as pretty as my nieces are.” Tony takes him over to the window and never takes his eyes off the little boy. “Yes, you’re going to be a lady killer when you grow up.” Looking back at the bed, grinning. “Or a maneater.”

“Tony!” Steve tries to be chastising, but he can’t help the chuckle.

Bruce looks at everyone on the bed and clears his throat. “Alright everyone, I need to check Steve, so you’re all going to have to leave the room.”

Bucky glances at Steve and the blond leans in to kiss him. “I’m fine. Go. I know you haven’t eaten this morning.”

Bucky kisses him again, caressing Steve’s cheek. “I love you more than all the stars.” Steve closes his eyes against the emotions swelling in him. 

“You’re my everything.” Bucky kisses his forehead and gets up with the girls.

“Come on, Uncle Tony, bring the baby and we’ll get some food.” Bucky slings his arm around his brother-in-law and they exit the room with the girls.

It’s been four months since Oliver was born and Steve and Bucky release photos of their family on social media. It promptly blows up and Natasha sits behind her desk, smiling at the picture on her computer screen. She and Clint went through the approved photos that Tony sent over and chose two to post with the announcement. One of the questions from a young fan of both Steve and Bucky is the most interesting. ‘Why do you suppose the baby has Barnes as a last name?’ She smiles because most people don’t know that Steve took Bucky’s last name when they got married. 

Tony and Natasha have been fielding calls from every talk show, daytime and nighttime, that want to interview the two men and after a week of dealing with that, she heads to the mansion. Steve and Bucky have moved in permanently, giving the girls the warehouse. As much as Steve wants to keep his whole family together, he also knows that his girls have a life of their own and need that distance.

Natasha doesn’t even knock when she gets to the door, she just walks in, finding Bucky coming down the stairs. “Well Auntie Nat, what brings you here?”

Nat grins at the new title. “I came to talk to you about these talk shows and see what you and Steve think.” Then she smirks. “Plus, I haven’t had any baby time since last week. Where’s my nephew?”

Steve comes trotting down the stairs with Oliver on his shoulder. “He’s right here and waiting to be told he’s the cutest baby ever born.”

She drops her bag by the door and goes to take Oliver. He grins at her and she’s melts where she stands. “You are the most beautiful baby in the whole world, Oli Ant.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and looks over at Steve. “That name is sticking thanks to Tony.” Steve gives him a soft smile and wraps his arms  around his husband’s waist.

“You have to admit, it’s really cute.” Bucky rolls his eyes and kisses Steve.

That’s how they find themselves sitting in front of a journalist handpicked by Pepper and Clint. It was decided that instead of doing a talk show, they would do an interview at home. Steve is nervous because he doesn’t want questions asked that he’s not going to give answers to. Bucky is nervous because they’ve never done an interview together. Oh, they’ve been approached, but until now they never agreed. They did discuss what they would and wouldn’t answer and Oliver would not be in the room during the interview and no pictures of him would be allowed.

Tony sits in his office that he keeps at the mansion, with Oliver, the girls, and Pepper. They have a feed set up so they can watch and so Tony can stop anything that wasn’t agreed on. He watches as Steve talks about the album he and the girls are working on. He watches as Bucky talks about a  movie he’ll start filming in Paris next month. Then he watches as the journalist starts asking the questions that get a little more personal.

“James, you surprised your fans when you announced your relationship with Steve. Can you talk about that?” She’s been nothing but kind throughout everything and Bucky knew this question was coming.

Steve watches him for any discomfort, but Bucky squeezes his hand, telling Steve that everything is okay. “I wasn’t really forthcoming with information at first because I didn’t think that it was anyone’s business.” She nods and Steve keeps watching him. “I know for a lot of people it seemed to come out of the blue, but I’m convinced that I’d been falling in love with Steve from the moment we met. I didn’t know what it was and didn’t acknowledge it, but looking back, that’s exactly what was happening.”

“Now Steve, you said even less about the relationship, but there’ve been rumors that your last album was all about your feelings.” Steve hates rumors, but appreciates that he can address this now.

He looks over at Bucky and gets a nod. “I think, like Bucky, I started falling in love with him from the minute we met, but I didn’t realize what it was until a year later. And to answer your question, yes, my last album was just for Bucky.” His husband smiles at him and Steve brings their hands up and kisses Bucky’s knuckles.

“You met in 2014 on the set of a movie, the one you won the Oscar for.” Steve nods and she smiles kindly at him.

“Yeah, the following year I figured out what I was feeling was...well...what it was and it was good and I was okay with it, but over the years it got harder and that’s where the album came from.” Bucky interlaces their fingers, holding on and grounding Steve.

“So, the album was a love letter to your ‘straight’ best friend?” She even makes the air quotes causing Steve to chuckle.

“Yeah, it was. I had this idea that I could get it out of my system if I wrote the music, but instead it had the opposite effect.” Bucky props his chin in the hand not holding Steve’s and smiles at the blond like he’s never seen anything so lovely.

“What do you mean?” The question is born of her own curiosity and not asked in a gossipy way.

“Well, we went on tour and the more I sang the songs, the deeper the feelings got.” Bucky pulls their joined hands over, kissing Steve’s knuckles.

“And you, James, what did you think when you heard the music?” Bucky chuckles, making her smile.

“I thought that whoever Steve wrote those songs for was one lucky son of a bitch.” He looks around. “Crap, am I allowed to say that?”

She laughs, nodding. “Yes, you’re allowed to say that. So, the two of you got together during the tour or after?”

Both men answer, making the other chuckles. “After.” Steve nods for Bucky to continue. “By the time I got back to New York, I knew that I had to see him and it just happened.”

“It was very quick then from admitting how you both felt to being together, getting married, and having a baby?” Again, she seems to be really curious.

“Yeah, but at the time it felt like it had been years coming and I don’t know about Steve, but I didn’t want to waste any more time being apart from him.” She starts to speak, but Bucky cuts her off. “I know what you want to ask and for those people that don’t understand how a ‘straight’ guy can fall for his male best friend, I’d like for people to remember, loving someone isn’t about loving a gender, it’s about loving a person and gender doesn’t matter when you love them the way that we love each other.” As though he can’t help himself, Steve leans in and kisses Bucky, resting his forehead against his husband’s. For that second, it’s just the two of them in the room.

The interviewer clears her throat, bringing them back to the present. “Let’s talk about the baby.”

Steve and Bucky both beam as the released picture of Oliver pops up on the screen to their left. “Okay, let’s talk about that. We’re very proud parents of three perfect kids and will be willing to talk for the next several hours about all of them.”

The woman chuckles again. “Well, I’d love to stay that long, but I think my manager would have an issue. Since you bring it up, how do your girls feel about their little brother, Steve?”

Steve doesn’t miss a beat. “They’re our girls.” Bucky squeezes his hand again. “And they think he’s the greatest thing they’ve ever seen.”

She quirks an eyebrow at the men. “I know this isn’t an  agreed on topic, but you say ‘our girls.’ Can you explain?”

Bucky beams. “When Steve and I got married I wanted a way to make things more permanent with the girls and they wanted the same thing, so,” He pauses and looks at Steve to get approval. 

Steve finishes the thought for him. “Bucky adopted the girls after we got married, so he’s officially their other dad.”

She nods and seems surprised by that information. “Is it true that you have a nickname for baby Oliver?”

Bucky can’t help the laughter that bubbles out. “It wasn’t us, it was Tony, Oliver’s uncle.”

That’s another piece of information that Bucky lets slip on purpose. Before she can ask, Steve finishes. “Oliver’s full name is Oliver Anthony Barnes, so Tony started calling him Oli Ant and it stuck.”

She looks almost like she might squeal. “Oh my god, that’s adorable. Is it something that the whole family calls him?”

“Yeah, we tried really hard not to, but before we knew it, we were all doing it. Tony is very proud of himself about that.” Steve glares at the monitor knowing that Tony’s probably laughing at him.

The next question has Steve looking down at their joined hands and not able to look at the camera for a few seconds longer than normal. Bucky just leans into him a little more. “Your fans are very curious about how Oliver came to be. Did you adopt or use a surrogate because his likeness to both of you is obvious?”

There's silence as seconds tick by. Bucky looks over at Steve and knows that his husband is making a decision. They talked about this question, over and over, and Bucky decided that Steve needed to answer this question for himself. Steve’s struggle is that Elle, Jackie, and Oliver are his and Oliver is Bucky’s and to lie about how all of them came to be is a struggle for the musician. When Steve still doesn’t answer and the interviewer starts to look around to figure out what to do, she sees Tony Stark holding the baby and Elle and Jackie Rogers standing in the archway of the living room. Steve looks up at his brother and Tony smiles. He looks over at Bucky and his husband looks at him with such love. He looks back over at his kids and Elle and Jackie wink at him. Oliver, propped on his Uncle’s shoulder, coos and Steve looks back at Bucky.

“Stevie, you do what’s right for you. I will love you and support you no matter what. You know that.” The interviewer is confused because she feels like she’s seeing something important happening, but has no idea what it is.

Steve looks back at her and clears his throat nervously. “We talked about what we would say when you asked this question. We decided to tell you that we used a surrogate that wished to remain anonymous, but that’s a lie.” Steve looks back over at Elle and Jackie and they’re both nodding. Tony looks so damned proud in a way that reminds Steve of Howard. Looking, finally, at Bucky he sees that love that he’s come to depend on. “I gave birth to our son and to our daughters.”

The woman gets up from her chair and goes over to the cameraman telling him to shut it off. The sound person is told the same thing. Going back over, she sits while Steve and Bucky look on confused. She gathers her notes and looks at the two men. “Okay, we didn’t talk about this and I want to be sure that you understand what’s happening here. This will be put on social media and the  wire, everyone will see this. Mr. Rogers, Steve, are you sure you want to do this?”

Steve appreciates her offer, but this is the right thing for him. He looks over at the girls and Oliver. “I had the privilege of carrying and giving birth to those incredible people and I don’t want anyone thinking that I’m embarrassed by that.” He looks over at his husband. “Buck?”

“From the second that you told me about the girls, I’ve thought you were a goddamn miracle.” He looks over at the kids. “There is nothing about this that isn’t something you should be proud of. Look at them, Steve. Look at how amazing they are.”

Before the camera and mic come back on, the girls come over, sitting on the floor with Oliver, in front of their dads. The agreement to keep them out of the interview is thrown out the window because the girls insist that they need to be and want to be part of what’s happening. The woman gives the signal and everything starts up again. “Okay, so we’re going to talk about what you just said, Steve.” Everyone nods. “You gave birth to the girls, who have joined us, and your son. Are you transgender, Steve?”

Steve shakes his head. “No, I’m intersexed. I’m a man, but I have the ability to get pregnant and carry a baby.” He looks at the camera, challenging. “And no, that doesn’t make me female.”

She laughs as does Bucky and adds. “Everyone has this idea about gender and there are certain questions we won’t answer about this, but Steve is a man that just happens to have this incredible ability.”

She looks down at the Elle and Jackie. “Ladies, you’ve always known this about your father?”

They both start to talk at the same time, then giggle, making Oliver smile brightly. Jackie motions and Elle answers. “When we were old enough to realize that most of our friends had a mom and dad, or two dads or two moms, we asked and that’s when Dad explained everything.”

Oliver reaches out for Jackie and she takes him from her sister. “Grams explained that Dad was unique and special. We already knew that because of how much he loved us.”

The interviewer avoids certain questions and by the time she’s done and the camera goes off for the last time, she’s smiling. Steve has taken Oliver from his sisters. “I feel like I was just invited into your family. I don’t know what will happen from this, but you’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met.”

The equipment is packed up and as she leaves, she hugs Steve and Bucky, kissing the baby’s cheek. The door closes and Steve looks over at Tony. “Well?”

“You did good, kid.” Tony knows that Steve opening up is just the right thing for him, but he also knows that it’s also Steve accepting himself, finally. And Barnes is the reason for that and if Tony didn’t love the guy before, he sure as hell does now.

The interview does explode and when the legitimacy of Steve’s claim is brought into question, he releases photos of himself in the stages of his pregnancy and even releases one from when he was pregnant with the girls. His true fans think it’s all adorable, but there’s always the hateful comments. Bucky loses his mind over those, but Steve just sits in the living room, holding Oliver, and listens. Tony and Pepper come in for dinner and stop in the entrance to the living room, watching the actor rant.

“I should hire someone, like the best lawyer in the country, and go after these people.” Steve just hums and grins down at the baby, sitting his little feet on the floor because he’s learned to stand when he holds onto something. “They have no right, no right Steve, to say the things they’re saying about you. Calling you ‘not a real man!’ I mean, you are more of a man than most men I know! It just...fuck!” Oliver looks over at his Papa and frowns, looking so much like Bucky that Steve chuckles, brushing the brown curls on his tiny head and leaning down to kiss him.

Bucky looks over and Oli is looking up at him, little lip poked out, ready to start crying. Steve reaches down, patting his little back. “It’s okay, little one, Papa isn’t mad at you.”

Bucky comes over, sweeping the little guy into his arms and smooching his cheek. “I could never be mad at you Oli Ant, you’re perfect, just like your Daddy.”

Tony snorts at that. “If he’s perfect, then standards are very low this season.” Pepper elbows him in the gut. “What?”

Steve rolls his eyes and looks over at his husband and son. “I only have to be perfect to one person.” He looks over at his brother. “And that  ain’t you.”

Bucky has one more night before he has to return to set in Atlanta and Steve is about to start the first leg of his tour for the new album. Things are about to get crazy and Bucky doesn’t want Steve dealing with these awful people that seem to want to tear down the perfection that it his life. “I just don’t want these people showing up on your tour and taking away how incredible this album is.”

Steve stands and goes to put his arms around Bucky. “Nothing can take away how proud I am about this album and if these people show up at the concerts, I still win.” Bucky looks at him confused when Steve looks over at Tony.

Tony barks a laugh and looks at the still confused Bucky. “If they show up at the concerts to ‘protest’ they had to buy a ticket to get in.” 

Bucky buries his face in Steve’s neck, laughing uncontrollably. “You’re a shit.”

“Be that as it may, you still love me.” Looking up, Bucky gazes at the man that he willingly gave his whole heart to.

“Damn right I do.”


	14. Chapter 14

Five Years Later

Bucky watches Steve and the girls, with the band, talk quietly about the show they’re about to do. Bucky decided, much to Steve’s concern, but also elation, that he would join them on this tour. Another Oscar  win later and Bucky wants time off. Natasha understands, but also as his agent fears that Bucky’s name will fade because he wants to spend time with his husband and their family. When this tour is over, he and Steve are going to just be husbands and fathers for a little while. Elle and Jackie are working on an album of their own and for once, Bucky just wants to be the supportive dad. Oliver is close to five now and he’s going to be starting school. Bucky needs to be there for that and shooting a movie doesn’t always allow time to just exist.

Olive wiggles to get down and Bucky releases him. He runs over to his Daddy and sisters, being swept up into Jackie’s arms. “What’s up, Oli Ant?” That name never went away and Steve and Bucky have come to the conclusion that it’s just going to stick.

Tony comes up with Bruce and watches his brother and the kids. Nudging Bucky with his shoulder, the actor looks over. “It’s a good thing you two are doing when this tour is over.”

Bucky isn’t really surprised because Pepper and Morgan have become the center of Tony’s world. “Yeah, I just want to be...”

“A husband and a dad?” Bucky nods and finds himself tearing up. “Don’t do that, Barnes.”

Reaching up, he wipes away the tears. “Sorry, I just can’t believe I get to have this sometimes.”

Steve comes rushing over, glaring at Tony. He pulls Bucky into a hug. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? What did my brother say to you?” Tony looks innocently at Steve and turns to Bucky for help.

“It wasn’t that.” He smirks at Tony. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s pissed me off before, but this was all me. I just,” He looks up into Steve’s eyes. “I just love you so damn much.”

Steve’s face melts from annoyance to a soft, feather-light smile. “That’s good because I love you too.”

They take the stage and Bucky stands off to the side with Oliver, wearing noise canceling headphones. Oliver claps and sings along with his daddy and Steve looks over now and then, grinning at his beautiful boy and gorgeous husband. Bucky watches how he is with the crowd and wonders what would have happened if Steve hadn’t written that album for him those years ago.

Watching Steve, loving Steve, adoring Steve, it’s been so easy. Bucky kisses his son’s head and watches his husband and daughters on stage. Yeah, this is what life is all about and Bucky’s one lucky son-of-a-bitch.


End file.
